Good Advice

“The little moments that I have regularly in places like Saudi Arabia, Palestine, Libya, Borneo, Barcelos in Brazil, Liberia, the Congo—the moment they’re looking at you and you put your hand in [a repugnant-looking offering] and you eat and you experience that thing with them. You share an intimate moment. You can’t say, ‘No, it’s OK. I’ll pass.’ If you blow that moment, it’s done. They’re not telling you the interesting thing they might have said afterwards. Because you’re rejecting everything they love. You’re rejecting their mom. It’s a simple thing. But openness to that, simply a willingness to say, ‘I’ll have that; I’m interested. Wow, where’d you get that?’ Then people tell you.”-Anthony Bourdain.

  A friend of mine informed me a few months back that she will be coming to Africa and wanted some advice. She is not coming to Namibia, so not everything I say will apply. However, there is some general advice. There's a reason Africans have dark skin, so bring sunblock, sunglasses, and a hat. As a white person, in most of Africa, you will stand out, especially because of your fashion.

  And as we were talking, I remembered that quote from an article in a magazine my dad left with me when he visited. And I think it's great advice. Not just in Africa, but in general. Anywhere you go, even in the US. Anyone you meet, even that couple down the road. Everyone has stories to tell. Everyone has their own culture to share. This is less reflection, and not so much advice for Peace Corps Volunteers, but something we should all live by. And it goes beyond food.

  Before I get into how this relates to my experience here, there is a New Orleans story I wish to share. As a member of Tulane's Community Service Scholars program, I did a lot with a student organization called SAFER. It was shortly after Hurricane Katrina and the rebuilding effort was still well underway. Katrina fatigue had not yet set in. One day, I was helping a women renovate her home. We stopped for lunch, and while we were eating, she asked if she wanted to see some old Mardi Gras stuff. Honestly, the answer was "no". After 2 years in New Orleans, I was getting tired of people pulling out boxes and reminiscing about parades long before I was even born. But none of us wanted to be rude, so we said "yes". She started showing us photos of her in parades (Krewe of King Arthur, if memory serves), old medallions, doubloons, and assorted other throws. And then she started in on the stories. And, not just Mardi Gras, but the storm, evacuating, seeing her home destroyed, what got her through it all, her favorite restaurants, music recommendation, etc. For about two hours, she talked, and this went on for future days spent working on her home. This woman's stories shaped my understanding of the storm, its aftermath, and New Orleans since. And, to think, had we said "no", we would've simply enjoyed our PB&J, gone back to work, and lost out on all of that.

  But, Bourdain talks about food, and it certainly applies to my experiences here. When I came to Khorixas for my site visit, I was welcomed with a plate of intestines. With everyone watching to see how the !uri would react. Without hesitation, I tore off a piece of the bread they gave me with it, dipped it in, and ate it. Of course, it helps growing up in DC with parents who love trying different foods (thanks, mom and dad). The family was a bit surprised, but that was the start of our relationship which quickly led to them "adopting" me as their own. They invited me to weddings, to funerals, to birthdays, and every time they introduced me as their son/brother. They served me dishes like smiley. My willingness to try their foods even made them interested in trying mine, like American style hot dogs and burgers on July 4th, having me prepare fish, making chili and jambalaya with meats like warthog, springbok, and oryx (as well as more traditional), etc. And, during our cultural food day during training, while other PCVs refused to try certain foods and complained a little (you know who you are), I wanted to try everything, no matter how "weird" or "gross". You learn so much by trying different foods and you ingratiate yourself to others. It's a simple thing, but my willingness to try foods was instrumental in my integration (along with my love of soccer).

  One question I am asked often when I tell people I live in Khorixas with the Damaras is "have you tried this donkey meat?" Damaras are well known for eating it. And the answer is yes, I have. In fact, I enjoy it quite a bit. Tastes like zebra. Though donkey meat smells awful, and you can't get the smell off you or out of your flat for days, which is why I cook it outside. But people tend to do a double-take when I tell them I like donkey. Strangers, I mean. My friends here know me better. On Christmas, when I came back from giving back candy (taking a break, actually, since I needed to re-fill my water bottle), I was offered some donkey meat by the security guards. Working on Christmas and not even making that much money, but they shared with me (and they weren't the first people that day to offer me donkey). I accepted. It was spicy, not common in Namibia. We spent the next hour just talking about food and Christmas and how holidays and eating go hand-in-hand. I told them the joke about Jewish holidays: they tried to kill us, we overcame, thank God, let's eat. By the end, one of them even invited me to come to his home the next day (he had to work the night shift). Food may just be the world's best icebreaker (alcohol is a close second).

  During training, the family I was staying with asked me to cook some Jewish foods. I made them chicken noodle soup, and told them the "Jewish penicillin" line, which got us talking about traditional ways of treating ailments and illnesses with foods and teas. So it goes both ways. Don't hesitate when someone offers you their food, but also be ready to share yours.

  Wherever you go, people are going to offer a small crack into their lives. You can either hesitate and risk the wind blowing it closed, close it yourself, or push it wide open. I advocate the last choice. You don't have to take a lot, just a taste. Even if you are full. Try it, and at least pretend to like it, or at least don't show any obvious signs of disgust. Food is a defining aspect of pretty much any culture. If you reject someone's food, as Bourdain says, you may just be seen as rejecting their culture. Food, stories, photos. People love to share these, because they see it as sharing a part of themselves. If you want to get the best of an experience, let them.