Some Thoughts About "Shithole Countries"

  ǀHawe ǁae-e ta ge mû so tama hâ. !Gâia gangans matisa du? 

  Editor's note: Below contains strong opinions of a political nature and will use language which some might find offensive.

  Sorry for the laziness. I know, I know, I keep saying I'll update this and I don't. Truth is, turning this into a "what is Jay doing now" blog just didn't seem worthwhile. That was never the point of this blog. This blog was about my experiences during and after my time in the Peace Corps. However, in the current political climate, there are many times when I feel that because of my experiences, there are things I "get" in a way many don't appreciate. One of these times was a few days ago, when I was reading the news, and came across the president's "shithole" comment. After days of struggling to find the right way to express my feelings, I leave you with the following. It's a bit long-winded, and maybe doesn't flow the best. I have tried to leave it in a way which best reflects my own processing of things.

  As disgusted as I've been by the shithole comment, there's something else about this discussion that disgusts me far more: people defending him by saying something along the lines of "if they weren't shitholes, why would they be leaving to come here?"

  I have spent a good portion (less than I'd like, though, I'll admit) of my adult life living outside the US. I grew up in Maryland, in the DC area, and haven't returned for more than a visit or a summer basically since shortly after turning 18. This is not because my country or my hometown are shitholes. It's because I, and millions of other Americans who choose to live abroad at some point in our lives, some permanently ever, recognize there are opportunities which can only be gained by leaving home.

  And, yes, in some cases, these opportunities stem from your home country being ravaged by war, by poverty, by disease, by a massive natural disaster you have neither the money nor the infrastructure to come back from, or the lasting legacy of abuse by colonialism. Other times, you recognize that in your field, the opportunities lie elsewhere. Or, you have family in other countries. Or need medical professionals who are in limited global supply (such as the case with several refugees blocked by the travel ban). There are millions of reasons why someone might want, or even need, to leave their home for a better opportunity. That doesn't make that country a shithole.

  And, I turn the question around, since we're apparently fine with accepting Norwegian immigrants. Does the fact that someone from Norway wants to move here make Norway a shithole? The president's wife is from what is now Slovenia. Does the fact that she felt compelled to move here make that country a shithole also? For anyone with white skin in this country, I can almost guarantee that at some point, your ancestors chose to leave somewhere in Europe to come here. After all, the modern America as we know it was founded by people who immigrated from Europe and their ancestors (built on the backs of many others and this is a bit of a simplification, I realize, but I'm trying to make a point here). Does the fact that they came here mean your ancestors came from shitholes? Of course not.

  And, we'd never suggest that the only reason people would choose to immigrate from a country is because that country is a shithole, unless that country is poor.

  In Namibia, many of my friends asked me to bring them to the US with me (and if they can ever make it, my door is always open). Namibia was no shit hole. It was a beautiful country which took me in with open arms. Same with Israel when I lived there.

  Along the same lines is the equally disgusting "get past the word, and let's talk about the point." The point IS the word. It is using language that reveals an incredibly dismissive view of countries, especially poorer ones. It shows an attitude towards the people immigrating which is, at best, incredibly disrespectful. And, no, it's not a case of "bad language, but still a valid point." The point itself only appears valid when you accept the premise which justifies the language. However, Africa is not a shithole. Haiti is not a shithole. Central America is not a shithole. And Europe is not a shithole.

  In spite of our conversations about these countries being backwards, undeveloped until the white man arrived, the reality is that many of these countries had incredibly complex societies before ever encountering Europeans. They may not resemble European styles, but that does not diminish their value. And, yet, it is this very lack of Europeanism which people use to justify it ("there was not written language, no calendar, multi-story buildings, or architecture like you see in Paris in sub-Saharan Africa before white people arrived" is something I actually saw on the news in a doctor's waiting room this morning; the parts which aren't nonsense Eurocentric standards are simply factually false).

  And, when people try and use descriptors of poverty, development level, etc., to show he's "right," I merely point to the fact that there are many parts of the US which are suffering from a failure to develop. In fact, we heard a lot about them a year ago. These were the so-called "forgotten people" of Trump country; the non-racist, non-bigoted supporters who were simply tired of their plight being ignored. They are largely white communities, which is why people don't bring them up as a counter-argument to Trump's description of African countries (opting instead for the Trumpist standards of "Chicago, Baltimore, New Orleans). I have traveled throughout cities and towns in the US which heavily resembled Khorixas, without the donkeys and goats wandering around (and a flipped racial demographic). I've been to cities in Africa which are on par with those in the US. And, no, I'm not simply referring to Cape Town (which is really a western city transplanted in southern Africa which racists use to "prove" that western=developed). Botswana has managed to make safe drinking water more available to its people than Michigan has. In fact, access to water in the US is a major problem which goes under the radar (because, you know, look who is suffering). If anyone wants sources on this, I have a few PDFs from classes I've taken I can send your way.

  At the end of the day, the only way the language is "beside the point" is if you choose to entirely miss the point.

  It's one thing to deny/refuse to believe he said it. It's something else to defend the statement.

  So, before you jump to defend the president with an argument that someone as lacking in brainpower as Tomi Lahren latched onto, actually put it in context. Which countries get that line of argument? What do they have in common? Then, maybe you'll understand why this entire attitude that such a statement can be defended is so offensive to anyone who cares about the world.

  On a lighter note, I leave you with a couple videos from Namibia. After all, sharing Namibian culture is part of Peace Corps' Third Goal, which was like the whole reason this blog exists (or, at least, that's what my country director chooses to believe).

  The first is Namibians cashing in on this nonsense statement.

  Just a reminder: when I lived in Namibia, someone tried to sell me a bag with Obama's face on it in my town, because it was crazy that I, an actual American, wouldn't have something Obama when all these other people did. Now, they are trolling us. We are actually being mocked by a country where I couldn't have enough American flags, maps, post cards, sunglasses, Nationals caps, etc. shipped over to keep up with the demand, because the people there actually, you know, liked America. A country that's such a shithole that I was able to hitchhike without feeling worried, and (except for one day during the World Cup when the US played Ghana and I was the most hated man in my town) being American was basically a luxury. Yeah, that's who's mocking us now.

  The real shitholes are the things he and his supporters spout their opinions out of.

  On the other hand, given the livestock roaming Khorixas, the shit part is literally true, I guess.

  However, if it was not made clear above, while I am more offended by the defense of the statement, don't forget that the "shithole" comment itself reflects a despicable view of the world, white washed, Eurocentric, the "white man's burden" (and shrugging off of said burden) in a modern form. However, at the end of the day, these countries are amazing places, with interesting cultures and wonderful people, and plenty of foods worthy of trying. Never let ignorance cut you off from amazing cultures. With that in mind, as angry as I am, I hope you enjoyed this opportunity to learn a bit about Namibia. It should be noted that this is not the first time they're poked fun at this president to advertise their tourism and culture.

  The second video is a bit old, but it's a song by one of my favorite Namibian musicians, which I think is timely at the moment, with the conversation we're having the US regarding sexual assault, sexual harassment, and gender based violence in general. I hope you enjoy it.

  So, with that, I leave you. I have classes starting soon, after a long Winter Break. However, if I have time, maybe I'll do a short "what is Jay up to?" post. After all, we're closing in on Mardi Gras (for the few readers around since the "Abita to Africa" days), and because it was my experience in the Peace Corps which put me on my current path.

  Happy New Year. !gai !gaxa tsi /khaehesa /asa kurib. Take care. !Gaise ha re.

Help Me

  So, yes, I am in fact still alive. If anyone is still reading this, I apologize for the long gap. I have been working my way through law school at Northeastern. During my first year, I just had no time. I was hoping to update during my first co-op, at the Mass. AG's office, and I was not allowed to update a personal blog during that time. Next week is finals week, and then I am done with my 2L classes and heading out on co-op at the AIDS Action Committee (see, dad, I am putting my PC experience into my professional life). I hope to take some time during that stretch to really share my life since PC, especially in case any PCVs out there are considering law school as a post-PC option (for the record, I have a friend from my section who was also a PCV, and a really good PCNam friend of mine is in law school in DC).

  This is not about that, right now. Instead, I am making a plea for help/opinions (which, I know you all got some of). As anyone who has read this blog knows, during my service I kept a map of where I went in Namibia. This map hung on the wall of my flat, and I would put updated pics of it on here throughout, so that you all could keep track. Well, I kept that map. It is currently sitting in a frame in my parent's house. I couldn't find a frame that was a perfect fit, because the US doesn't do the metric system. I could've looked into a custom option. Instead, I had an idea. I got a frame which was much too big. So, what I am going to do is fill in the extra space. "Fill it in with what?" you might ask. Well, with photos, my dear reader. And, not just any photos. No, I plan on getting wallet prints of my favorite and my best shots taken during my service.

  This is where you come in. See, I took A LOT of photos. Over 50 albums worth. And, this doesn't even include the probably 4-5 times as many which didn't make the cut (seriously, I did this on full manual; a lot of my shots were unworthy of seeing the light of day). With that in mind, I am now turning to you all for some help. If there are any photos you particularly enjoy, think were really cool, show a certain artistic flare, or just stand out, and you think they should be included, let me know, either by contacting me here, commenting on the Google photo page, or through any other means. While I will hold the final veto, I am open to other opinions. The photos will be moved into an album of my favorites, as a form of "best of," This will make it easier for me and be a nice photographic highlights real.

  Oh, and for those interested in what is going on in Namibia, it's a bit insufferable, a lot repetitive with it's jokes, but a bit funny none-the-less, and about as Nam as it gets. With that introduction, I give you "America First, Namibia First." You're welcome.

  Finally, for anyone interested in a good read for this time, I highly recommend Donald Wood's "Biko" and Stephen Biko's "I Write What I Like." Passion matters. Your voice matters. Don't let anyone tell you that you are taking it too far. Never keep your views to yourself to avoid annoying people. Never wonder whether you are being too political. Those concerns got us into this mess. If you have something to say, let the story of Steve Biko inspire you to get it out and to hold police accountable for their violent use of excessive force (yes, South Africa's "Blue Lives Matter" parallels are quite stark to realize what some people are willing to forgive today).

  Enjoy. Thanks in advance for your input.

I'm Still Alive and Updating

  Okay, so, I'm in law school a little over midway through my second year. I don't really have time to write much about it. However, I did want to take a second to mention one change to this blog. Up to this point, my photo albums have all linked to Facebook. Some of you may not have Facebook, or may not be my friend on Facebook. For that reason, I am working to transfer over my photos to Google Photos albums. So far, all my Namibia explicit albums have been moved and linked. I will work on transferring pre- and post-Namibia albums (including some not remotely related to my Peace Corps experience) so that you can all enjoy my photography. Feel free to enjoy, comment, criticize, whatever. I was hoping to update this blog during my last co-op, but was not allowed to, per my employer's rules (I would've needed approval, and didn't feel like dealing with paper work). I will be on co-op again this Spring, and will hopefully have time to really update you on my life as an RPCV.

Until then, adios, and have a wonderful holiday season and not too cold a Winter.

Roughly A Month In

  It's been almost exactly 5 months since I returned from Namibia. I am not living in Boston and about a month into law school. It's a massive change, as one can imagine. My schedule is far more structured and people actually care about you being somewhat on time. I no longer stand out, which fits me better. I know it's been a while since I last wrote here. Turns out, law school is very time consuming. Who knew?

  The weather is turning cold. Something I have not experienced in a very long time. So long, that I am entirely unprepared. No winter coat, minimal long pants, like 2 long sleeve shirts, no windbreaker. Crap. Turns out, a year in Israel, a few in New Orleans, and a couple in Namibia do not lend themselves to having a wardrobe meant for a Boston winter. I foresee some shopping in my near future.

planting my flag

  So, Jay, what is it like? One great thing about law school is being surrounded by people on my level again. It's been a while since I was surrounded by this many people as smart, as educated, as well read, as well spoken, and capable of speaking English on my level. Here, most of my classmates are as smart or smarter than I am, English is the first language for most of my classmates, they've read as much as I have. Spending night after night debating cases and hypotheticals, thinking of the future, why we're here, ideas for co-ops, etc. It's been great. Plus, in Boston, the beer is much better than the selection in Namibia, and Sam Adams is far superior to Windhoek.

  So, what are my classes like? I have my 3 core classes with the same group of people, in the same room. This semester, that's property, torts, and civil procedure. Civil procedure is taught by Steve Subrin, a legend in the field who wrote our casebook. Sadly, this is supposedly his final year teaching law. I'm certainly lucky to have gotten him. My other two classes are enjoyable, and less about the technicalities than they are about the substance. While the liberalism of this school drives me crazy ('that's not fair" and nonsequetor shots at Trump, Scalia, and the GOP as a whole are not intelligent arguments), I've found my core group, and settled in nicely.

  My other classes are "Legal Research and Writing" and "Legal Skills in a Social Context/Social Justice Project/Law Office" (all names for the same class). Legal Research and Writing is exactly what you'd expect. They're teaching us how to write like a layer. Turns out, being a solid writer in an undergrad setting is very different. I've had my writing here ripped to shreds, and my ego severely damaged, but in the long run this is going to help me quite a bit, and I wouldn't want my professor going soft on me. Learning to use "The Bluebook" has made me hate "The Bluebook," but I'm starting to get the hang of these citations. Until I realize I'm actually not. Well, eventually this'll make sense, right? I mean, everyone who becomes a lawyer does eventually get the hang of this shit, or so I've been told. One interesting thing is that my section is part of an experimental program at NUSL, where my courses involve overlapping work. So, I'll have to write a memo for LRW based on an assignment in my Civ Pro book, based on whether I have grounds to amend a complaint based on causes of actions taught in Torts. It's given LRW a more real-word spin, I guess. Shows how the various 1L courses interplay in the day-to-day life of a lawyer.

  Which brings us to my Legal Skills in a Social Context course. This is a very NUSL-specific course. Basically, we're going to be working for an organization called The Southern Legal Counsel, based out of Florida, working on improving trauma-informed education. Memos, policy briefs, maybe videos and handouts, not sure exactly what the specific deliverables will be, but these ideas have been floated around. Truth be told, this project is still very much in the abstract stage, and for now, we're simply researching the basics. Essentially, this is about giving us a chance to really apply what we learn, get some hands-on experience, and improve our stocks as we look to compete for those co-ops.

  So, Mr. Salus, what do you do for fun? Well, mostly I read and debate cases. Because, you know, I gotta keep up in class. We have a sort-of-weekly Bar Review (law school speak for "a bunch of students meeting up at bars and getting drunk and arguing about law stuff"). Last night, my roommate and I went to the Northeastern vs. Colgate hockey game, our season opener. It was my roommate's first ever hockey game, and he enjoyed seeing us beat the #20 team in the country. Occasionally, I find time to just wander around Boston. I practice guitar. I try and find time for pleasure reading. I Skype/IM friends in Namibia. If I find time, I sleep. I sip tea and cocoa. I know my way around the NUSL law library, as well as good places to sneak off to for a short nap without going home. Oh, and I enjoy Law Movie Lunes (a weekly tradition, movies having to be somewhat connected to law, though some of them have been stretches).

  A small side note, I got to enjoy a little coincidence when a couple weeks ago my property professor assigned us a reading about a conservancy in Namibia. For avid readers of this blog, you may recognize the conservancy mentioned. For those of you who don't remember, here are the photos. The conversation related to Namibia granting its indigenous people sovereign property rights over their land, the people on it, etc., in contrast to the US. Just a fun little coincidence.

  So, I conclude with something that for many readers will seem simply out of the blue. I'm sorry. This is neither the time nor the forum to elaborate. For those of you who read this and understand what I mean, well, it'll make perfect sense without any further explanation. Moving to Boston has not been the easiest experience, and one thing that I've come to realize, whoever said "time heals all wounds" was either wrong or, at age 26, pushing 27, maybe I need more time to see the truth in it. Either way, I'm coping, taking things as they come, appreciating being somewhere I actually feel I fit in, and simply trying to get myself in a position to take my life where I want it to go.

The Next Step

  So, here I sit. In the dark. Writing, because I can't fall asleep. In a couple hours, I load up the car and move to Boston. Orientation Monday and Tuesday, and then classes start. It's time to take the next step in my life. I'm feeling super nervous. A little panic setting in. The scotch is helping.

  I was thinking about writing about Katrina. It's the 10th anniversary of the storm that destroyed New Orleans and, in many ways, set the course of my life, even if I didn't know it then. Of course, I've written about it here before, and the truth is, I don't really have anything new to say, so I suggest you simple check out the few links I've posted on Facebook and enjoy the coverage from Nola.com. I'm proud at the rebirth of my adopted city, angered at the people criticizing the decision to rebuild, and baffled that George W. Bush had the nerve to take part in the commemoration. Given his reaction in the wake, the flyover, and his administration's handling of the storm in the aftermath, the man has no business ever stepping foot in the city again, much less at a tribute to those who lost their lives because of his failures.

  Okay, instead of going off on Katrina, I think I'll quickly summarize the last couple weeks of my life. I spent a week in California and a week in Maine.

  California was a chance to spend time catching up with my former roommates. I arrived fairly late, and Andy met me at the airport. A quick stop over by Matt's for a beer and to say "hi" to him and Sarah before heading back to Andy's place to crash. The next morning, I relocated to Monterrey, our "home base" for the rest of the trip. Checked in at the motel, and while waiting for Harris, spent some time downtown people watching. I'll never understand why girls like taking pictures of themselves drinking Starbucks with their friends. It's coffee (or coffee beverages, in their cases). Still, I can't say "no" to a pretty girl, much less a group of them. Monterrey was quite pretty. Once Harris arrived and Matt and Andy got off work, we went out for dinner (steaks), and then back to the motel for drinks (Harris brought a trunk of good whiskeys and mescal) and catching up. After all, I hadn't really seen these guys since graduation weekend.

  Next morning, after a slow start, we went up to San Jose, where Matt lives and Harris grew up. We grabbed some Mexican and then spent several hours in the rose garden, went for some beers and poutine, and had ice cream for dinner. Day 3 (not counting that first night) was a light day. Harris showed me his childhood home and around San Jose, and then we stopped by a nice wine bar. A friend of Harris', Moberg (who I'd heard quite a bit about), invited us to join him in Redwood city for a beer and dinner, so we did that. Met him at a German bar, had some German beer, and stumbled into a solid bbq joint, where we devoured a family meal and some brisket tacos.

  Of course, no trip to Cali would be complete without a day on the beach, and Day 4 was that, followed by some really good seafood in Moss Landing, then chilling with Andy and having a few drinks in the motel. Day 5 was my last full day in Cali. After packing up and moving out of the motel, we (Harris, Andy, and I) went for a day hike in Point Lobos. An absolutely gorgeous day. Then, back to Matts to chill for a few, and Redwood city for drinks and more Mexican food with Moberg. Then, Andy's. In the morning, I flew out.

  For that trip, the highlight was probably seeing my roommates again, but getting to reunite with our cats was also nice. Kitty is living with Andy, and she's calmed down considerably, though she still loves to play and destroy my foot (still hasn't fully healed). Matt took Kiko, who is the exact same adorable little buddy, loud, obnoxious, his cuteness and friendliness being his evolutionary survival technique, only fatter.

  Upon returning home, I had a day to do laundry, before we loaded up the car to head up to Maine. Raymond, Maine, to be more precise. Jordan Bay, a spur of Sebago Lake, where my mom's college friend has a home. We stayed in their little cabin. We spent many summers up there when I was little, and the cabin looked the exact same. A week of relaxing on the lake was nice. Drinking coffee with ducks, reading and listening to the water, swimming, boating, lobster, local beers from Maine's exploding beer scene, enjoying watching the rain. A week of that was probably a bit much, given the timing, but it was nice.

  So, then I returned home and spent a week dealing with the last second paperwork for Northeastern, which brings me to here, sitting in my bed, the last time for a while, nervous, excited, anxious, packed, ready. I haven't had a first day of school in three years, and the pressure is high with this one. I should probably sleep, though I have a 6-8 hour car ride tomorrow (thankfully, my dad is driving, so I can afford to not fall asleep as I worry tonight). Reading John Grisham's novel The Street Lawyer for a little inspiration, so I will sign off with a quote from the book. The main character is a corporate lawyer, on the path to partner, who is volunteering at a soup kitchen, chatting with the public interest lawyer who invited him.

"I thought you were a lawyer," I said, spreading peanut butter.
"I'm a human first, then a lawyer. It's possible to be both- not quite so much spread there. We have to be efficient"

  Okay, a bit hokey, but I've decided to keep that in mind as a tether for the next few years. So, good night. For those of you, like me, getting ready for school, good luck. For the rest of you, enjoy whatever is going on in your lives.

Back in America

  I've been back a while now. Almost 3 months. A couple weeks ago, the woman who replaced me at site contacted me. We chatted a bit, her asking for advice, me giving some and sharing some of my experiences. Then, she asked me what being back was like. I've already posted about my initial reactions to being back, but some recent things have gotten to me.

  The other day was my birthday. After drinks with my parents and grandparents, I went for a quick bite with my brother, and was joined by a good friend of mine who lived nearby. It was late, and she was tired, so we made plans to meet for lunch the next day to really catch up. I got to Farragut North a tad early and was blown away by all the activity at Federal Square, with the tents and corn hole and everything. She was running late, stuck at work, so I decided to grab a coffee. There were roughly 10 places in site, and that doubled if I expanded a block in either direction. I told her I was at the Starbucks and she had to ask me which one. Then, we had to pick a place. It was honestly overwhelming. Yes, Windhoek does have restaurants, but I always left the choosing up to friends. This time, I had to make a choice. This is downtown DC. Hundreds of restaurants within a 5 minute walk of us. Even narrowing by price and food type didn't help. We ended up deciding to turn a corner and choose the first thing that we noticed.

  We did actually pick a place, and enjoyed it. We spent some time catching up. One thing she mentioned was how a lot of people end up not doing Peace Corps because they feel they'll miss out on a lot (I know she was speaking from experience, to an extent). Which is true. One of my best friends got married, and I wasn't there. Another got fired, and I couldn't be supportive. People moved, had kids, got promoted, passed the bar, became doctors, etc. It wasn't easy. RPCVs kept telling me I'd come back and people would be doing the same thing, be the same people. It's a load of crap. I did miss out on over 2 years of my friends' lives. Or, rather, they continued having lives while I was living mine. And some of these changes are weird. New last names (or even first names, in a couple cases), meeting their kids for the first time. Trying to settle back in isn't easy. Don't let anyone tell you it will be.

  I've hinted at it, but choice has been a general theme of my challenges. Not just restaurants. Do I drive there and pay for parking? Do I wake up a little earlier and take Metro? Is Metro running? What size coffee do I want? Hot or iced? Which blend? Which road do I take? There's actually more than one way to get there? Which cell phone do I buy? (I got the iPhone 6, by the way). Do I go to the gym or get on the bike? 20 stores selling similar shirts, which do I buy from? Which movie theater do I go to and which movie do I want to see (and which snacks, which has gotten ridiculous, for the record)? Do I do see it regular? IMAX? 3D? IMAX 3D? Which brand of the same yogurt for the same price do I buy? Which loaf of whole wheat bread? Which brand of granola bars? All these choices, all over the place, holy crap.

  Of course, not everything has been a struggle. Reliable transportation is nice (sorry, but unless you've tried hitchhiking around southern Africa, I don't want to hear you whining about the red line running late). If I want to watch a soccer game or a baseball game, I can. I can even go to a place with more than 3 beers to choose from while I watch it. And that place may let me watch both the soccer match and baseball game at the same time. And has specials/discounts.  I can walk down the street without everyone expecting me to talk to them or give them money (and even the people begging don't tell me I owe them). Internet is everywhere. Power goes out? It comes back on, and while it's off my phone still works. Oh, and we have hummus. And it is quite yummus.

  One challenge I expected and worried about is returning to the classroom. I am going back to school for the first time in 3 years. To help with the transition, I took a law school preview class. 8 days, sampling different aspects of 1L year. Contracts, property, civil procedure, torts, criminal law, how to brief a case, how to use LexisNexis, etc. It was long and dull and dry, but it definitely seems to have helped. It didn't quite help with what I really need (back to American English from Namlish), but still.

  The last thing I'm going to talk about is how people view it. I feel compelled to do this because I saw this article today. This article reflects a lot of the misconceptions about Peace Corps I've experienced (and even held). I'll start with non-RPCVs. These follow a few trends. No, I'm not going to go into a full response to this post. I disagree with the author, but that's because I came into Peace Corps with a different background, for different reasons, and had different experiences in my service, and I respect the fact that those differences are why I disagree, and maybe had I shared her experiences, I'd be saying similar things (though I will say now I feel no guilt over being born into a certain degree of privilege, since I feel I've used that to help others, and believe in the Jewish value my dad often quotes about not giving so much charity that you yourself become a charity case).

  The first is "oh, wow, that's amazing. You must've had some incredible experiences and did the Lord's work and are helping save the world." Yeah, I had some incredible experiences. No, I did not save the world. I never tried to. No person can. I do think I made a difference, but so do millions of Americans who go to work. I'm no better than your kid's 3rd grade teacher.

  The second reaction is "I really wish I'd done that. I'm so jealous. That's so cool. You're a better person than I am."That third one isn't always stated, though it sometimes is, but it tends to be an underlying theme in the tone and questions of these people. I may or may not be a better person than they are, but it certainly has nothing to do with my doing the Peace Corps. I'm lucky. I'm 26 and I can say I've been able to live my dream job. It was right for me. It's not for everyone. And that's not a bad thing. My dad goes to SOME every month and serves breakfast. One of my best friends is working for an organization helping to bring education to people around the world, and I praise the hell out of her. I know people working with Special Olympics, and fighting to end the use of the R-word. I have friends in the military. An alum from my future school played a big part in bringing marriage equality to all 50 states. I have friends who are teachers, all over the world and in the US. Or doctors. If you wish you'd done Peace Corps and are jealous of me, that's one thing. Of course, it's never too late to do it. But I'm not better than you. I simply have different interests, different life and career goals. Nothing wrong with wanting to get started on finding that spouse and starting a family, or rising the career ladder. Nothing wrong with actually having money. My experiences were right for me, the right choice for me. Emphasis on "FOR ME."

  The third reaction is "wait, that still exists?" Yes. Leo even mentioned it in Blood Diamond. Of course, unlike Jack and Rachel, I didn't simply decide one day to do it. But yes, it still exists. In fact, it's expanded quite a bit in what it does, who it serves, and what sectors it works in. And, going back to you folks who wish you'd done it, there are the Response positions, which let you serve for a shorter window.

  There are a number of other responses, but most fall into one of those categories once you boil them down. There are two more which really annoy me. They go hand-in-hand, the second largely a response to the first. "Why did you do that?" Okay, I've given that answer enough times, so I'm not going to do that again right now. Feel free to read back to my earliest posts for that answer. However, I will say one factor was my desire to help people understand what Americans are like. That's actually one of PC's three goals. Yes, I know that seems arrogant. However, ignorance is a problem all over the world One reason there are issues between countries stems from people just not actually knowing each other. Many people in Khorixas had never met an American who wasn't a PCV. Some had never met an American male. I would say I ended up not being what most people expected (especially since I love soccer). The question itself doesn't bother me, especially when it's grounded in curiosity. It's when it's said in that negative, judgmental, "da hell did you do that for?" kind of way.

  The one that really bothers me is the common response I get to it: "If you wanted to serve your country, why didn't you join the military?" Because I felt I could do more, both for the world and for America, by doing this. Soldiers aren't the only people who serve their country, and we need to get out of that mindset.

  Oh, and there's the responses like my brother's. "Oh, shut up already!"

  Okay, so that's how non-RPCVs respond (there's also the "did you know so-and-so? Namibia? Where is that? My friend/brother/neighbor did/is interested in PC. etc., but I'm not in the mood to get into those, because I get them about Tulane too). How about the people who have, at least in theory, been in my shoes before responded?

  Well, there is the outlier of my mom's friend Lisa, who introduces me to everyone as an RPCV, almost bragging about it more than my mom does. Admittedly, DC has a great RPCV population and an active RPCV group, and I've enjoyed the few events I've attended as an RPCV, including visiting JFK's grave and the bbq in the rain. Great for networking, and I know going in I have a topic of conversation to break the ice. And, in case you missed it, I do take pride in my PC service.

  So, what are the other RPCV responses? Most of them are like my mom's. Long winded "when I was in Peace Corps in ..." (said in the Dan Rooney voice, of course) story. Okay, I'm just as guilty of that. This is more statement of fact than complaint (though it drives my brother and father crazy). Others are shocked by how much has changed and how much hasn't. Of course, there's comparison of the beers in our countries, and I've gotten a few free drinks out of it (from RPCVs and non-RPCVs, and even used it when talking to women at bars). We talk about how much PC has changed, the countries have changed. I'm often asked if I want to go back. Of course I do. I miss my community, my friends, and the simpler life.

  Okay, this post has been an exercise in self-indulgence. Granted, a personal blog is, by its very nature, self-indulgent. Sorry if I came off as a whiner or arrogant. Not my intention. I merely mean to share my experiences because I've been asked what my return has been like. These are my experiences, and certainly don't reflect everyone's experiences. The point is merely to share my transition between PCV into law student and back into American culture and the American lifestyle. I hope this answered those questions. I got a bit to do before law school, including visiting some good friends out in Cali. Hope all is going well for you too.

Coming This Fall

  So, this will likely come as a surprise for most of you. Especially since I've told people, and even mentioned it here, but I will be attending law school in the fall. Since getting back from Namibia, I've visited a few schools which have offered me admissions. After visiting them, I was faced with a tough choice between several schools I really liked, and even after I thought I'd made a decision, more options came in. Offers of scholarships/financial aid, schools calling my phone. As recently as this past Friday, I was facing new offers that were tough to say "no" to, including my top choice when I began applying. So, not, I would like to announce that this fall, I will be attending Northeastern University School of Law, in Boston, with the intention of entering into their JD/MPH program. So, Boston friends, I'm heading your way. Friends everywhere else (in the continental United States), let me know if you want me to visit before that, since I will have very little chance to travel until I'm done.

I Rejoice

  I am straight. I am a man attracted to women. I have never found myself attracted to other men. I am not gay. And yet, I rejoice. I rejoice because last week, the Supreme Court struck down bans on same sex marriage in all 50 states. I rejoice not because the ruling impacts me directly. I rejoice because I have friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors who are. I rejoice for the families now able to unite as one. I rejoice for the families able to cross state lines and remain family. I rejoice because, as a Jew, I realize "only 2% of the population" does not mean you are not a large enough part of the population to deserve equal rights. I rejoice because nobody's rights are threatened and nobody suffers negatively. I rejoice because there is nothing negative, or even neutral, about this ruling. I rejoice because the only people that's not true for are members of NOM, FOTF, FRC, AFA, ADF, and the likes. I rejoice because today I awoke in an America one step closer to the values on which we were founded, of equality, freedom, and religious liberty for ALL citizens. I rejoice because we did not leave the rights of a minority up to the whims of a majority, regardless of how likely I believe it is to pass. I rejoice because if you don't like this ruling, the good news is your life remains unchanged.

  Of course, while I rejoice, I recognize we are not there yet. LGBT Americans do not have full equality under the law in all aspects. I am straight. That doesn't mean I am more worthy of protections. It does not mean I deserve a job or a home more than a gay person. I am not superior to a LGBT person in any way, though for most of my life, by being born as I am, society has seemingly believed I am. I am cis-gender. I have never had to feel uncomfortable in my own body. That's not to say I am flawless, but my flaws are of my own doing, not a disconnect between the physical me and the me I was born to be. I am white, and yet I am in no way superior to blacks, Hispanics, or Muslims. My skin makes me not less likely to be a terrorist (though the way my parents raised me certainly does). I am a man. That does not mean I deserve to make more money, just because I have a penis. It doesn't mean I wouldn't have responsibilities, should I have children. I am fortunate. I have never felt true hunger, the pain of not having enough, of having to give up my dreams because they were unaffordable, unobtainable.

  Yes, I rejoice. And I do so while recognizing that with this monumental step forward, a lot more remains to be done. America was founded on the idea that "all men are created equally." We have made many strides, including several in my lifetime. I hope each new year, each new day even, we learn from out mistakes and continue the progression, until the day we live up to that lofty goal. No, we may never be a perfect country. That's not a good excuse not to fight to get to the day when we are. So please, celebrate. Rejoice. Enjoy some victory drinks. Chant. Dance. Be happy. And continue fighting to repair the world.

Thoughts On The Terrorist Attack In Charleston

Note: This article has nothing to do with Peace Corps, my life after, or my experiences. This was a posting I wrote mainly for myself, because I needed to get these thoughts out, to vent, to make my feelings and thoughts known. This may seem a bit disjointed, as I touch on a variety of topics. If you don't like "leftist" opinions, like Rush Limbaugh, support the Confederate Flag, don't support gay people, hold attitudes about Muslims being terrorists, or similar positions, please skip this post.

  Some thoughts on what happened in Charleston. A lot of people are criticizing "the left" for turning this tragedy into a political conversation about guns. You know why? Because that conversation NEEDS to happen. A real conversation, with no options off the table, because violence in this country has gotten out of hand.

  Many have made statements about the disparity between the arrest of this man and the arrests of blacks. Eric Garner's arrest for selling loose cigarettes has been especially highlighted. I will say no more, because that is not the issue here, other than it touches on the race issues I will speak to soon. But keep in mind that a black man selling cigarettes was killed by cops because they felt the need to use force in arresting him, while no force was needed to arrest a man who had opened fire on a church. Think about that.

  I've heard/read a lot of people asking about the shooter's mental health. Some have even implied that's relevant to whether this was a hate crime. Yes, we are in dire need of a national conversation on mental illness and how we treat, stigmatize, and handle it. And yes, this is a good time to have that discussion (a better time would've been years ago). However, there is no question about his mental health. ANYONE who can do something like this, killing another human being in cold blood, anyone who can have as much hate in their hearts, as this man did, is mentally ill.

  HOWEVER, that doesn't make this any less of a hate crime. This doesn't make this any less of an act of terrorism. We have a problem with racism in this country. I'm all for freedom of speech, but NO government building should be allowed to fly the Confederate flag. It is not a symbol of "southern pride," it is a symbol of racism. Plain and simple, no exceptions. Yes, I get that it represents certain traditions. Those traditions are racism, slavery, and treason. If you want to fly it at home, in your car, wherever, that's one thing. But it should be banned in all government building in the United States. It would be like someone in Luderitz flying the apartheid-era flag of South Africa outside their town council building. No, I will not show respect for your decision to fly it in private. I respect your right to do so, but not your decision to, and not the person who would do so. Senator Graham, you are full of crap for implying this flag has even one positive association. Don't give the people a choice, get rid of it. Stop defending it, get rid of it. It's part of our past. It has no business being part of our present, much less our future.

  Then, you have people like Santorum, saying it was an attack on religious freedom. No, it was not, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even entertaining the thought of tying this to your phony "War on Christians" in America, a fake example of an attempt to oppress Christians. This was an act of racism, plain and simple. This man was a Christian. Yes, I know the common thread. When you try to counter neocon claims about Muslims and terrorism with examples of Christian terrorism, they respond with "no true Christians..." It's a logical fallacy. It's a load of crap. Christians, like anyone else, are capable of doing horrible things. That said, this man's (yes, I know his name, but I refuse to use it, because I feel that would show him more respect than he deserves) actions do not reflect on Christianity, any more than the men who shot up Charlie Hebdo represent my Muslim brother and Muslim childhood neighbor and the millions of wonderful Muslims out there.

  I am not a perfect man. I recognize I have my own prejudices and bigotry. And I work to change that about myself. As a country, the first step towards fixing the problem of hate crimes is admitting they exist. Admit that racism is not a thing of the past. Admit that rhetoric towards Muslims has spurned violence against Muslims, Sikhs, etc. And, when we hear it, SAY SOMETHING. Don't just pass it off as a little thing, because it's the little things that build up into these build things. If you hear someone refer to blacks as "niggers," say something. If you hear a friend referring to "fags," say something. If you see people harassing Muslims outside a Mosque, don't just keep walking, don't just write it off as a demonstration of freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences, freedom of criticism, or freedom from being corrected. Don't let it slide. Yes, Rush, your rhetoric absolutely was complicit in the death of George Tiller, and blood is on his hands. Just like the blood is on the hands of all of us who witness little acts of racism and let the hatred slide.

  With that said, I often take issue with people who expect all Muslims to apologize for every act of terrorism committed by Muslims. Just like I don't expect all Christians to apologize for Christian terrorism, like the Army of God. Likewise, I don't expect all white people to apologize for this and more than I apologize for the KKK existing. That being said, to the victims of this attack, I am truly sorry. Not because I'm white. Not because I feel like there is anything I could've done to prevent this, having never met the man. Not because I feel sorry for you (I do, but that's not why I am apologizing now). The reason I am sorry is I have witnessed acts of bigotry. I have heard people express hatred of blacks and other groups. And I have let it slide. And for that, I feel I, and all Americans, owe you an apology, for we all have blood on our hands, in that regard.

  Look, I'm biased here. I realize that. And, full disclosure, recent incidents of a personal attachment have made the issue of hate crimes a very touchy subject for me. No, you don't have a right to be racist without criticism. No, being Christian doesn't make you homophobia any more okay. No, I will not tolerate your intolerance. It does not go both ways. Intolerance is only going one direction, and only that side has an obligation to become more tolerant. Tolerance of other people and tolerance of intolerance are not comparable. So keep you "tolerance goes both ways" to yourself, keep your bigotry to yourself, or deal with the fact that you will have to deal with the fact that you will have to suffer through my telling you how wrong you are and why.

  America, I know nothing will come of this. Nothing has come of the police brutality issue, nothing has come of past mass killings, nothing has come of past hate crimes, at least in terms of trying to prevent them. And, I have no doubt in a few weeks, we'll all have moved on from this. So please, even if we're not going to do what we need to, for those of you reading this, I ask you to do the following act: if you have children, love them and teach them to love others. If you experience racism in the course of your life, say something. Go out of your way to interact with people who look different from you, worship in a different way than you, and think differently than you. And hold people accountable for the continued refusal to act. Maybe then I can be proved wrong by this country.

  Finally, there is one more thing I ask: call this act what it is. It's not a "tragedy." This man was not a "lone wolf." This is not an issue of mental illness. This was an act of terrorism. He is a terrorist. This was a hate crime. He was a racist. Yes, white people can be terrorists. Hate is still real. Once we admit that, we can start to change that. I could go on and on, and will do so, most likely, in other formats (like, in actual conversations). However, I am preparing to make an important  announcement about my future in the coming days, so I will stop there before I risk burning any bridges. These are my thoughts, my opinions, and I felt I needed to say something. Thank you for reading. Expected a lighter toned posting in the coming days. And, I say this almost out of desperation at this point, God bless America as we work to heal.

Getting Re-Acquainted With America

  Every Peace Corps Volunteer, no matter where or where they served, has to re-adjust to the world post-service. Some do so by continuing to travel. Others, like me, go back to school. And others lie on their couch watching TV and eating takeout Chinese food until a girl convinces them to get on with their lives (you know who you are). With that in mind, here are some things which I've noticed, dealt with, struggled with, or loved since getting back. There is no real order, other than which order they popped in my head I was writing.

  Hot showers. God, I love them. And, I actually end up feeling clean. However, after semi-bucket bathing for two years while living in a desert, it's also hard to deal with all that waste. Still, hot water does feel sooooooooooo nice.

  Coffee shops. They're everywhere. Some meant for sitting around working. Some meant for a quick cup. Some with drive-thrus. Some Starbucks. All with options for big cups of non-instant coffee.

  People are a lot more competitive. I'm about to fly to New England to check out a couple law schools as I make my decision. People keep asking me about rankings. People at the schools keep emphasizing rankings of different programs or aspects of the school. In Namibia, things were a lot less competitive. There are benefits to being competitive, obviously. It drives innovation and creativity, and can bring out the best in people. It can also bring out the worst. Regardless, America is very grades-driven, rankings-driven, and I'm going to have to get used to that again.

  White people. No, this isn't racist. However, I no longer stand out the way I did. I no longer have that quasi-celebrity status. I'm just a bearded white guy with weird hair, not THE bearded white guy with weird hair. There's also less sense of community. Largely because the DC-area has so many people. Still, it's weird going down the street and not having everyone recognize me. On the other hand, I enjoy the anonymity and being able to walk down the street without constantly being stopped. And, I do occasionally get stopped by people who recognize me.

  Weather. For two years, I lived in the desert. It got hot. Very hot. But it was dry. And there were like no plants. I came back to DC during the transition from Spring into Summer. That means humidity and pollen. And, holy crap, it's been brutal. Breathing has been a struggle. I'm slowly adjusting, but still, my lungs feel very uncomfortable.

  Sports. It's not just soccer with an occasional rugby match worked in to change the pace. We have hockey, we have basketball, we have baseball, we have pre-season football talk. Oh, and there is some soccer. However, it in on at a far less convenient time than it was back in Namibia.

  One thing everyone warned me about: grocery stores. It's tough. So many choices. So many aisles. So much food. So much other stuff. It can be overwhelming. I've avoided that one so far. However, I needed to replace my razor. So, my dad took me to Rodman's, a drug store. We go to the razor counter, where I had like 15 razors to choose from. And, right next to it, toothbrushes. And deodorant. Oh, and I need toothpaste for the toothbrush. And, some mouth wash. Ooooooh, and melatonin pills to help me get my sleep cycle back. And...And...And... Yeah, it was a bit brutal. Definitely got more than I needed.

  Getting around is weird. Buses, a Metro system that is reliable (at least, compared to what I dealt with in Namibia), taxis that actually pick you up and take you directly where you are going. And cars, everywhere. So many cars. Every house has one. Some have more than one. Everyone drives everywhere. So many cars we have to build special buildings to park them. And all the roads are paved. It's crazy.

  The internet is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo fast. Like, those of you complaining, you seriously have no clue how much worse it could be. Oh, and phone service which can handle everyone's calls. However, it also costs more. I don't get 100 texts per day. I have to pay for data up front. Same with minutes. And none of this not getting paid for incoming stuff.

  TV is weird. All of these PSAs. For anything you can think of. And some I'd never thought of. Or pills for things that I didn't even know were health issues. And commercials which don't actually tell you what they're selling, just company names, in the hope you'll look them up. That wouldn't work in Namibia, where not everyone has internet access.

  People care about such stupid crap. The cost of that internet thing. No, I don't which celebs are sleeping together. No, I couldn't care less about so-and-so-was-in-that-movie gaining so much weight. Or who just went to rehab. So, please stop talking to me about celeb gossip. Yes, I do judge anyone who cares about that garbage, and no, there is nothing favorable about that.

  Reliable utilities. Those are nice. The toilet actually flushes, the power doesn't randomly get cut. I don't have to worry about rushing to get dinner cooked before the electricity goes out when it rains.

  Reliable people. When people say something starts at 1pm, you can bet it may start a little late, but no more than 20 or 30 minutes. Certainly not hours. And, if people are coming late, they call. Or text. They at least let you know. And, they generally apologize. There's a degree of respect for the people you make commitments to that isn't found in Namibia, where everyone runs on "Africa Time" (and excuse I hate, since they have phones and watches now, so there's no longer a valid excuse for not being late, or at least letting me know you are running late). I'm no longer living in a whole country of people with my mother's sense of timeliness.

  Politics. There are multiple parties. And, as it's an election cycle, everyone has an opinion. Most don't have an educated opinion, but an opinion nonetheless. In Namibia, there was no question. It was SWAPO. They are, effectively, the only national party. So, you didn't get the attack ads. None of the "gotcha journalism."

  Beer. So many choices. I've been to bars with more IPAs on tap than my town had for total beers and ciders combined. And, they have much higher alcohol contents. It's been super nice.

  However, I miss walking down the street and smelling those braai stands. America, we need to make street meat a thing. Food trucks and hot dog stands are nice, but they're not the same, and don't have that amazing smell of grilling meat.

  Finally, spicy food. Damaras don't like their food spicy. Just salty. I'm the opposite. I like heat, but not salt. So, that's nice about being back in the US. Food more to my taste. However, portion sizes are huge. I mean, just massive. I don't think I've finished a meal yet. Not one I didn't prepare for myself, at least.

  Okay, I have a plane to catch, so I'll stop there. Got UNH and Northeastern this week. I'll let you know how that goes and if there are any re-integration issues on this trip. Until then, I hope you enjoyed my random, rambling thoughts and observations on the things I'm dealing with since returning to America.

Edit: some additions

  Public urination. Apparently, it's not cool in the US to just drop your shorts wherever you happen to be, whip it out, and just let it go. Actually have to hold it in until you find a bathroom. Otherwise, you may be a sex offender. Good to know.

  No animals wandering. Seriously, where be all the goats and cows and donkeys and chickens wandering around town?

My Journey Home

Note: I realize by the time you read this, I will have landed, seeing as I have not internet access on the flight, meaning I can’t post until I land. However, the urge to write hit me during the flight. It may not be a bakkie, but there are some thoughts than only come to you kilometers high.

  Here I am. SAA Flight 075. Namibia-to-Johannesburg. After two years, I am actually leaving Namibia. I’ve commented on more than one occasion how beautiful Namibia is. It’s also a very sparsely populated country. One of the smallest populations per space. I know this. I’ve seen it from the ground. I kind of noted it flying in. Now, after two years, as I sit in a window seat and look out at the country I’ve called home for the last two years, it’s remarkable. I can see small villages off in the distance. I can see long stretches of road. I can see towns. I can see farm land. I can see hills. And, I can see how far everything is from everything else. Now, it’s true, there are parts of the O-lands where you have towns/villages right next to each other. But, most of Namibia is not like that. It’s incredible to look out. No clouds right now. Sunny. Massive visibility. When the Namibian national anthem mentions “contrasting beautiful Namibia” it is referring to both the people and the land. From up here, the people all look the same. The diverse landscape, however, is incredible. Yes, I am feeling a tad sentimental. I think I’m entitled to a little of that right now. Okay, we’re descending. Got to go.

Note: Now in Jo-burg Airport

  Okay, it’s official. I have left Namibia. Sitting in the Mugg & Bean, sipping all the coffee I can drink. I got a couple bottles of wine at Duty Free (2 red, one white) so I can maybe do a tasting. I was debating getting a nice bottle of scotch, but the truth is, they may cost more, but I know where to get good bottles of scotch back home. South African wines? Not so much (granted, I’m sure 5 minutes on Google would even that one out).Besides, South Africa is known for its wines. They came with these little animal things you put on your glass so you can know whose glass is whose. Think my mom will like that gift. I also got a beautiful painted ostrich egg and traditional style shirt, as well as an SA soccer jersey for myself.

  Flying into Jo-burg was weird. Looking out at a big city; population: more people than all of Namibia, multiple times over. It was massive. Honestly, it blew my mind. Just imagine how the US is gonna look. Not so spread out and all. Chatting now with a man from Mozambique about it (and about how Namibians are frickin’ wimps when it comes to spicy and need to learn to enjoy more kick in their food).

  I guess not is as good a time as any to write about my last night in Namibia. Shortly after writing the blog post about leaving, I went to the Peace Corps office to drop off my guitar for Den and say some last goodbyes. After that, I took a last trip to the braai stand outside of that Standard Bank. Damn, I’m going to miss Namibian street meat. Honestly, street foods might be one of my favorite parts of traveling. You learn so much about people and a culture from the cheap eats on the streets (okay, I admit I’ve had a couple free shots in the airport, some wine on the plane, and may still have some of last night in my system).

I interrupt this story to announce my chicken and avo wrap has arrived. The lady asked if I wanted any sauce for it, and I obviously asked if they had hot sauce (for my wrap and the side of chips). She brings me a bottle of Tabasco, 350ml. I think that must be heaven right there. Or, at least, heaven must have them on every table. Sorry for the sidetrack. Now, back to the non-hot-sauce-related story.

  So, after getting our meat, Shayna and I went to the Old Brewery. They no longer brew beer there, but it is filled with craft shops. She had no idea about the upper part, so I showed her that NamCraft and Diamond Works (so she could look for something for when her parents come). We got some gifts, me for my friends and family I will soon be seeing, her for some people getting married. Shayna is an interesting girl. We were joking that she’s basically lived her life a year behind me. She joined Year Course, working for MDA, the year after me, getting back to the US around the time I was arriving for my summer with MDA after my freshman year. She’s a health volunteer a year behind me. She wants to go to Tulane, my alma mater, for her masters. I gifted her my mezuzah when I left. When Taylor found out I’m Jewish, she spent a couple weeks trying to play matchmaker, even singing wedding songs. Sorry, kid, not happening. But thanks for the laughs. Anyway, I got a solid haul. I already had some makalani nut keychains and kapana spice for people, a couple wood carved animals, some shitenges, and (for myself) a springbok horn bottle opener. I got a second horn for my dad, some Himba bracelets (over-priced, but I didn’t have a chance to get back to Opuwo). I got an adorable bushman hand-knitted doll (a mouse with a little backpack). I could lie and say I’m planning on bringing it back and giving it to one of my younger relatives, but let’s be honest, it’s for me. It’s adorable, and it’s something I can maybe give to my own kids, if I have any, and start telling them my story. I got some jewelry for Amy (I had both Shayna and Alicia approve the purchases, and they feel you’ll be satisfied).

  After dropping Shayna back off at the Peace Corps office, I returned to Chameleon Backpackers’ Lodge to gather my things. They didn’t have any room for me that night, so I was to move to another backpackers’ lodge, the Cardboard Box. The Box’s bar is a bit nicer and open later. They have whiskey and they have Hansa on draught. After trying to call the taxi driver the Chameleon people gave me, I got impatient, ran out to the road, flagged down a taxi, told him to come around to where I was, and went from there. About 5 minutes later, I was on the road to The Box.

  After arriving, I took about an hour to go through my bags. I tried to lighten everything as much as possible, tossing what I could, making sure nothing in my carry-ons were illegal. I knew my bags were overweight, but f*** it, two years’ worth of stuff was in there. When I was done, I SMS-ed some friends and took a quick shower and nap while waiting. Around 5:30-ish, a group of friends arrived, some for the beer, some to see me off. Shayna, Alicia, Sachi, Oskar, and a friend of Oskar’s who was actually staying at The Box for the night. It was my kind of night. The beer was flowing, but it was low-key. No clubs, no terrible music; just good conversation and reflecting. We got some pizzas for dinner. Around 10 (maybe a little after), I went to the fridge (backpackers’ places tend to have somewhat decent kitchens and large fridges, as the cater to people trying to save money while backpacking across a continent or country; most even let you stay in tents, rather than your room). I came back down with what was left of the herbal liquor I’d purchased at the Kristal Kellerei winery all those months back (about a year-and-a-half) during my second reconnect. I poured a round of shots for my group of friends and pretty much everyone else in the bar. We toasted me. A little later, I took the last three shots on my own. A little after midnight, we said our goodbyes. I’ll admit that while I actually liked everyone in the group, Alicia, my little buddy for the last two years, since the day we met in Philly, was the hardest. Which makes sense. She’s been an amazing friend to me. But, she’s got an amazing third year project coming up.

  This morning, I woke up, had breakfast, and headed to the airport. There was some stress caused by someone at the lodge having been robbed and demanding the place be locked down and everyone searched by the police. Sorry, but I was in a rush. I finally got the airport, but paying for my overweight bags took some time. I made it through security in time to use the can and buy some coffee just before they called for boarding. After taking a call from my mom, I made sure to call Taylor one last time and send messages to Esna, Martha, and Den (the clock had run out on time for calling).

  So, that’s where I am so far. Gonna finish up one last cup of coffee, hit the head, pay my bill, and make my way to my gate. We board in about half an hour. Next stop, Dakar (well, the tarmac; I don’t think I leave the plane), and finally, DC, family, friends, certain comforts I’ve been without for two years, washing machines, fast Wi-Fi, and, of course, DC sports. So, I may add to this during those two legs, or maybe not. Anything after I land will probably get its own post, as I begin the next chapter (think of this post as the interlude, a short story linking books one and two, not part of either story, but important to bridge the gap).

Note: Layover in Dakar

  This is a tad weird. I’m hearing American accents all over the place. Other than the Peace Corps trainings and conferences, this is the first time I’ve been in a situation that seems to be predominantly American, and for some reason it’s more striking than those PC situations.

  We’re in Dakar. A little after midnight right now. For some reason, I’m super f***ing wired. Haven’t had much caffeine since Joburg (or, any I can think of). Watched a few movies/shows during the flight, listened to some music, busted out the iPad to read. Saw the pilot episode of “The Flash”. I’m thinking that one and “Arrow” might be my new shows this summer (any other recommended shows, those of you who know what I like? I have taken a couple sleeping pills out so I can pop them for the Dakar-DC leg. I think sleeping will be smart.

  Every time I land and takeoff, this all gets more real. Met a couple other Southern Africa RPCVs on the flight. Like, from years ago. Zambia, South Africa, and I think one other, but I forget. It just hit me that this flight is the first time I’ve had both my passports on me at the same time. A certain someone tried to give me advice about pillows and long flights. Looking at the passports and realizing I’ve had one since my age was single digits, she may have seen more countries recently than I have, but I’m no newby to international travel.

  Got that Carbon Leaf song “International Airport” running through my head right now. Not sure why lyrically, but the title certainly fits my life at the moment. Still got about 45 minutes until the next takeoff. At least I get to stay on the plane this time. I’ve been through security twice so far, and I still had to have my bag hand-checked before boarding this flight. I think America might be getting a tad paranoid, no?

  Vuvu, the wood-carved elephant who spent the last year-and0a0half or so on my windowsill, protecting me, is in my carry-on. For some reason, that does make me happy. Okay, time to do a Sudoku. Maybe listen to some music. Hopefully we leave on time for this final leg. I’m ready to be done being in transit.

Note: Over the Atlantic

  They’re about to serve breakfast. Got a little sleep. Very close to America, though not sure exactly, as the flight map is no longer working. However, based on what they said at the start of the flight and the estimated time of arrival from the beginning, I’m guessing about 2 hours. Not looking forward to how long security will take, and a little nervous about my bags (I had to pay extra as they were about 5kg overweight, total, and the woman was having issues printing my receipt. Hopefully they made it. If I have to fight with SAA to find my clothes going both directions, I’ll be a tad pissed. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see. No use getting worked up about hypotheticals until they happen. Gonna finish eating and change soon. Red Peace Corps polo (yes, Taylor, with my pin), safari hat, aviators, and jeans. Or, as the girl who picked the outfit for me called it, “Afrikaans Dundee”. I’ll worry about trying to readjust later, for now, I’m gonna get off the plane being me.

  Do wish this cold would’ve gone away. Windhoek was much colder than Khorixas, and I got a little sick there. Being on a plane, with the cycled air, not moving around much, etc., hasn’t helped.

AMERICA!!!

  I made it. When I first saw the morning lights of DC, I almost cried. I’m going to miss Namibia, but home is home, as OAR has sung about. My luggage made it this time. It was pretty quick through passport control and customs, and my dad was there waiting for me. Now, to head home. Not feeling super great, exhausted, stomach feeling a bit ravaged, and the DC humidity is killing me. Give me a couple days, and I’ll get into the re-adjustment to life in America.

This Chapter Comes To A Close

  Well, here we are. My last day in Namibia. My home of two years. Tomorrow morning, I fly out. I am now considered an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer). Over the last couple days, I've been doing my finishing up process. I had my blood work (no HIV, Rob). I pooped in a cup one last time (because a hotel cleaning lady threw out one of my samples back in February). I met with my APCD and Country Director for my exit interviews. And yesterday, Karen Mappin, Peace Corps Namibia's amazing admin officer, took me out of the system, officially ending my Peace Corps service. It honestly hasn't sunk in completely yet, though I've met a couple PCVs around Windhoek since, and I have been introducing myself as an RPCV. I think it will get a bit more real tomorrow, when I board my flight, and even more so when I land in the USA.

  So, what's been going on since I left site? Peace Corps put us up at a backpackers' lodge in Windhoek. It's been an interesting few days. Friday and Monday were holidays, and everything is closed on Sundays, so I mostly hung around here. Met some really cool people. A couple from the US who quit their jobs and are spending about a year traveling, a French chef who takes up jobs in kitchens to fund his travels, a group of South African deep sea divers, a French woman, and a changing groups of people have formed the core of our hangouts, along with myself and two PCVs (now an RPCV and a third year PCV, who left last night for Cape Town). Nights have been spent with beer and wine and braais and fire and music. We introduced the South Africans to the game "Would You Rather?" and it's been lasting for several nights now. The other night, Johanna, the third year PCV, pulled out her guitar. A songwriter who lived in Nashville for a while, she got things going a bit. However, the couple proved to be incredible. The guy was a fantastic guitarist and she is a classically trained vocalist. They harmonized perfectly and were just so in sync, the way only people who have known each other for years can be. They did a rendition of Bob Dylan's "You Ain't Goin' Nowhere" that floored us all and further proved my theory that there is no Bob Dylan song that hasn't been played better by someone else (certainly sung better). Not to knock Dylan, but when your songs get so widely covered, that's what happens.

  Got to enjoy watching my Blues win the Premier League (COME ON CHELSEA) and spent most of the night traveling. So many people from all over the world here has made for some fun soccer watching. Not because Americans are so dense about the sport, but you get such a diverse perspective and set of opinions. The other night, I was watching the Champions League semi first leg between Real and Juve. A few friends of mine went out to a sports bar, but as it was the last night in Windhoek for a few of my friends, I chose to go out for dinner (Indian food) and watch at the backpackers while hanging out. There was a Spanish man watching with us, who turned to me and asked "what is with an American liking soccer?" Stunned for an instant by the silliness of the question, I recovered and retorted "I've been playing since I was young, coaching and refereeing for years, and watching most of my life. You know, the same way you Euro's come to know the game." The French chef, who was watching with us, just started to laugh at the silliness (he and I decided to support Juve, since the Spaniard is from Madrid, and got fairly obnoxious throughout the evening).

  After the match, I returned to my friends (okay, I'll admit, despite my intentions, my love of the game did win out a little, but I was at least close enough to hang out at halftime and immediately after the match ended), just in time to witness a dreadlocked Aussie play one of the most incredibly beautiful guitar pieces, using an interesting slap technique, combining finger picking and strumming with a percussive element. Meanwhile, an Israeli man had pulled out a ukulele, so I ran back to my room, grabbed a drumstick, and tried using some empty beer bottles and yogurt tubs (for about a song, until the lodge staff complained about the noise, saving me from showing just how badly my technique and overall play has suffered from two+ years of minimal practicing). And yes, I did even pick up the guitar briefly, laying down a lousy rendition of "Saints", "Liza Jane", and some random strumming, before handing it off to people with actual talent.

  Last night was probably my most emotional night since I said "goodbye" to Esna and her family. It wasn't so much because of my COS-ing; like I said, that hasn't really sunk in. However, after lunch I caught a lift to Okahandja to see my host family from training one last time. It was incredible seeing how much Peggy and Brodie have grown. Odia is preparing to attend UNAM next year, she hopes. When I kept my promise and gave Peggy my jump rope, she was just ecstatic. They took photos with me and ate some chicken I'd picked up for them at Hungry Lion (I'd let them choose what I got them). Sadly, Martha, my host mom, has been quite sick recently. She's lost a lot of weight and had trouble eating and did look considerably weakened. It was hard to see. She did say she is slowly improving. She spent some time in the hospital, but it home now, and is able to eat a little and drink a bit. We exchanged contact info and I added Odia on Facebook so they could stay in touch with me. We hugged, and then I had to return to Windhoek after a few hours. It was a tough night, but I am certainly happy I was able to see them again.

  Today, I am planning to do a little last-second gift shopping with Shayna, a PCV about a year behind me who apparently did Year Course the year after me. I had one last beer with Taylor yesterday while she was in tow for an HIV committee meeting. Saw the Samaniegos one last time, who have invited me to Austin. In a bit, I'm heading over to the PCN HQ to make one last round of saying "goodbye" to the people who have supported me on the ground over the past two years, and I'm planning to do a little re-packing this evening, see if I can get rid of a few more things. If she's around, Alicia and I are supposed to finish off the last of the herbal liquor I found while cleaning out my freezer, around from Reconnect Part 2.

  So, that's where I am. During my exit interview with Danielle, the Country Director, I was asked what advice I have for future PCVs. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, as cliche as it may be. Find something you enjoy. Reading, playing an instrument, running, working out, cooking, whatever. Find that thing. And, for one hour, every day, do it. Lock your door, shut off your phone, and just focus on you, for just one hour. If you can do that, it will go a long way to helping your service be less stressful. Focus on the little things, the small successes, because the big things tend to be negative, but for every one, there will be a number of small victories. Oh, my project fell through? Well, my host sister is no longer afraid of me. There's no electricity? Well, I now have time to climb that hill? The transport didn't come? At least the beer's cold. Don't take things too seriously. You'll never survive if you do. Enjoy it. It's an experience you may not appreciate until the end. You often won't realize the impact you had until you reach the end. It can be tough. PC bills itself as "The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love". At 25, I don't have the experience to confirm or deny it. But it was tough, and I love it. In many ways, I'm the same guy I was two years ago. But, as Karen pointed out when we chatted as fellow RPCVs after she punched my card, we all change in small ways. Hopefully for the better. They may not be obvious at first, but I do feel slightly different, and I am grateful for the experiences I had. Do I regret not living in a mud hut in an isolated village with no electricity or water? It certainly would've been different. But I enjoyed my service, and I do feel like I made a difference, and I can get on the plane tomorrow knowing I put everything I had into helping my community, even when I failed. And, in the end, I wouldn't change my PC experience (other than maybe having head office actually pay their bills).

  So, that's it. Probably my last post from Namibia. Time for the next chapter in my life. I do plan to keep this blog going, so, if you enjoy my writing and want to hear about what it's like readjusting, feel free to keep reading. And, with that, I wish you well. Hope you enjoyed hearing about my experiences in Namibia. Stay well.

Update on Jay

Nothing long here. I'm in Windhoek. I'm taking care of paperwork, exit interviews, etc. Ditching whatever I can. Getting some last minute gifts. Finishing my last VRF. Made the following addition to my collection of soccer jerseys.

On the left is the jersey of South African club (with tie
to American soccer) Kaizer Chiefs. If only they still sold this
old one.

Today's a public holiday, so I don't really have anything to do. Took a walk to the mall with a friend just to give me something to. Probably spending much of the afternoon by the pool at Chameleon Backpackers, where Peace Corps is putting us up, sipping tea and relaxing. After the emotional drain of the last few days, I'm needing a recovery day anyway. Oh, and I got some yummy biltong. So, I'm pretty happy.

Reflecting, Part 10: My Biggest Accomplishment

  Here we are, my final reflection post. Also, the start of my final week in Khorixas. Fitting that I'm writing it while taking a break from filling out my final VRF. What have been my biggest accomplishments? I put this one for last, because I thought it would be a tough one. Really, it's actually one of the easiest ones. Yes, I was asked for my biggest one, but, just like with all the other posts, I'm going to list a few. Why waste a post on just a couple paragraphs. In this case, the order will matter. While all of these have been accomplishments, the last of the four I list will, in fact, be the biggest one.

  Much of my first year was spent working with Grace getting the gym built. Much of my second year was spent getting the club itself going. Hours of work researching equipment available at different stores, exchanges with the German embassy, working with both my ministry and the ministry of health, but the gym got built. After that, it was a matter of recruiting the kids (a job, admittedly, largely performed by Taylor). My reputation as a soccer coach helped, as did the enjoyment of the first few sessions. Now, the kids have shown they've learned, teaching each other about lifting with proper form, checking each other, leading the stretches, rather than relying on me. They've even gotten the concept of spotters and proper hydration. The ones who've been there from the beginning can probably recite my gym safety lesson for me. And, they seem to enjoy. Best of all, they've shown improvements, meaning they are taking things outside of the two hours a week.

   One thing I've mentioned a few times is the difference a PCV can make simply by our example. The reason for that is trust. Over the past two year, learners have come to open up far more to me, asking actual questions, rather than just keeping it to the basic things. Asking me for advice with relationships, about sex, etc. Earning this level of trust has been, in my opinion, a huge accomplishment, and it's enabled a lot of my other successes.

  Not all my accomplishments have been work related. The fact that I've been able to adjust and survive has been just making it this far. Before me, Grace was the first PCV in Khorixas to make it the full two years without a site change. Sure, a number of PCVs would call my living conditions "Posh Corps". I have electricity, a shower, flush toilets, and access to internet. Most of my colleagues speak English. Still, I've had my challenges. Yes, flush toilets are nice. Except when the water gets shut off for weeks on end. Then, I'm stuck in the desert, begging people to let me in to fill my jugs (no rivers or streams). Electricity is great, but a lot of volunteers have some degree, and it goes out quite a bit (granted, I'm not sure PEPCO is much better). Then, I have no stove, no over, no fan, and my food all goes bad (though I can't complain too much, since, unlike many PCVs, at least I have a fridge). The internet is nice. Not going to paint this as being anything but a luxury. I just wanted to take a second to brag a little (though I don't simply use it for Facebook, having looked things up for other PCVs and worked it into the work I do to teach people how to communicate and all). Adjusting to life without family and friends has been tough. It's easier, with cell phones and Skype, than it was for my mom. Which is good. It means Namibia today is far more developed than Honduras was in her day (before Namibia existed). Adjusting to the foods here has also been tough, especially because I can't afford meat or the foods I liked back home. And, there have been the struggles with daily life, work, adjusting to cultures, etc. Despite what I tell people, there have, in fact, been times, when I wasn't completely sure I'd make it, especially when death entered the picture. But, I did. I made it. In a week, I go to Windhoek to start filling out paperwork. A few days later, I complete my service. A couple days after, I head back to the states. While nobody may have had me as their pick in the "who's going home early" pool, as my friend, Kellie, often says, every PCV is one day, one thing, one health problem, one straw away from heading home. It's just reality, so making it to COS has been a huge accomplishment for me.

  An, finally, my biggest accomplishment: my computer classes. I won't use any names here, since I don't have approval from the learners in question. When I first got here, I struggled. Part of it was a curriculum which was "one-size-fits-all". Working with my counterpart, were-worked the program to be more in line with the levels of our learners, better able to adjust. I offered one-on-one sessions. I also focused less on the step-by-step, more on the thinking things through. Encouraged them to ask each other for help before asking me. Imposed stricter attendance policies so classes weren't held back by people who couldn't bother to show up. The first time we ran the program, only a couple people passed. We revised slightly, and the second time around, more passed. By the final time we ran it, over half the learners passed. And that's with me requiring 60%, rather than the 30-40% most Namibian school require. They even learned to identify which types of graphs to use for which types of data and some of them even learned to come up with formulas on their own, rather than needing me to provide it for them. But, while that was a huge success on its own, it wasn't the biggest accomplishment. The last time I ran my class, I had a learner who had never used a computer before. Couldn't even turn them on. But, he took meticulous notes, asked questions (something I encourage, unlike many Namibian teachers, which has led to a bit of a culture clash), and ended up with one of the top grades in the class. Went from not being able to turn a computer on to being the one showing those sitting at the computers next to him how to do things. But, the real accomplishment came a couple months after he finished the class. I went into the post office to buy some phone credit, when I was greeted by the guy behind the other counter. Beaming, he proudly informed me that his new skills with a computer had earned him a new job. I have to admit, a bit arrogantly, perhaps, that it was one of my proudest moments of my service.

  I've had a number of accomplishments throughout my service. Some big, some small. In my opinion, those were among the biggest. However, it's easy to look back at the big ones. The real difference a PCV makes are the small accomplishments every day. Being able to greet people in their language. Remembering names (really hard when you meet literally hundreds of people, some of them only briefly, many of them while not sober). Learning to hand wash your whites. Your first successful hike. Figuring out how to work around the bureaucracy. Finally finishing a book (looking at you, Taylor). Making friends. While Peace Corps asked about my biggest accomplishments, the true success has been the product of hundred of little successes. For those of you considering Peace Corps or about to start your service, or struggling through your second year of service, or even those looking back and wondering if it was worth it, whether they made a difference, I recommend you keep that in mind. It may be cliche, but it's true. If you doubt me, look back at my reflection posts. Most of them are made up of the little things, the day-to-day. I highly recommend working through this sort of exercise at the end of your service. One thing it's allowed me to say: with one week to go, it's all been worth it and I've definitely made a difference.

  No, this probably won't be my last post. I'll be in Windhoek wrapping things up, and will hopefully get something written about my last few days, about saying goodbye, and all. But, if this is my last post from Namibia, I hope you enjoyed it. No clue what will come of this blog when I get back. Maybe, I'll keep it going during law school, to share those experiences, especially because I have PCV friends who, like me, are considering law school after they COS. We'll see. If Peace Corps has taught me anything, it's to take things day-by-day (okay, that really wasn't much of a change for me, but it really drove it home). So, until I write again, kai gangans, //khawa mugus, !gaise ha re.