That's Tough

  This morning, I was sitting in my office before work, using our wifi to chat with a friend back home, and he asked me what has been the hardest thing for me, having crossed the midway point of my service. I'm going to state right here: I miss my friends and family. That's #1 on my list. I have some great friends here, and my host families, both during training and here in Khorixas, have truly made me feel welcomed. And I have more internet access than many PCVs. But that doesn't change the fact that a lot has happened, and there have been times when I've felt truly isolated. With that said, I want to go deeper into the Namibia-specific things that have probably been the most difficult for me. Some  of these are specific to me, and lists like these will vary greatly among volunteers, based on where they are serving and when they served. Others on this list will probably appear on the list of any PCV being honest. I'm keeping the list to 7 things, and the numbers are just for me to count, not really a ranking. And sorry if this sounds negative. I love my life here, but this is a question I get asked a lot, and I feel it;s one worth answering.

1. Food- I've referenced my diet here before. It's mainly beans and rice, eggs, apples, and peanut butter sandwiches, with the occasional braai or splurge meal. In my town, despite having a fridge, between the prices and limited selection, I really don't have access to all my favorite fruits and veggies, basically limited to apples, oranges, apples, potatoes (I realize they're not fruits or veggies), cabbage (I may never eat another cabbage again in my life), onions, green peppers, tomatoes, pumpkin, butternut squash, and, once in a blue moon, avocados. On truly special occasions (maybe once every 2-3 months), I find myself at the Spar in Otjiwarrango, where I have more veggie choices, like mushroom (again, I know it's not really a veggie, but deal with it). Far less meat in my diet here, and you can't get boneless chicken in my town. Meat is also often a lot fattier. It also tends to taste better, in my opinion, because of the lack of hormones. Food cooked by Namibians also tends to include a lot more salt and mayonnaise for my taste, and lacks the kick I like. On the other hand, I love Ms. Ball's chutneys (and no, not because of the name)
2. My water situation- Okay, so I'm used to it now, but still, not having hot water, especially during the winter, sucks. Now, during the summer it's manageable, but cold showers during the winter, even if they're not as cold as they can get back home, is rough when you don't have heating. However, that's not my biggest issue. The real problem is how often my water gets cut off. My town is semi-desert. There is no body of water to fetch water from. So, when it gets cut out, I am screwed, unless I want to go buy water, which, on my budget, is not a great option. And when my water gets cut out (generally because of shortages or issues with the treatment system), it's usually out for at least 2-3 days, sometimes more. Basically, when it happens, my life sucks.
3. Timeliness- Namibian culture has a different view on the value of being on time than America, and it's been a struggle. It's considered rude to end a conversation before it's over, and people have other priorities, like their kids. So people are often late. Or they just won't show up. And they won't always tell you. For someone who would rather be 2 hours early than half a second late, that's taken some getting used to. I'm starting to get used to it, but it is frustrating, still. Adding to that is that when people say they're coming "now", that can mean they'll leave their place in some time in the next hour. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But they'll come at some point. Maybe. Unless they get held up. "Now now" generally means you won't be waiting too long, but even that isn't always true. I could get into professionalism in general, and the fact that there's just a very different culture I'm having to adjust to, but the timeliness has been the hardest aspect of that.
4. Gender Roles- Legally, Namibia's made a big push for gender equality. We even recently had a day of prayer against Gender Based Violence. Still gender equality is a very recent concept. Every day, there are articles in The Namibian about women getting beaten, or even killed, for refusing sex or rejecting a guy or having a new boyfriend or refusing to cook dinner, or something like that. For the most part, I try to have an open mind when it comes to culture differences, but when it comes to gender equality, there is a right and a wrong, and the traditions in Namibia are wrong, plain and simple. Any culture where you aren't treated like a monster for hitting your wife, girlfriend, ex, or anyone else, committing rape, or any other kind of gender based violence is flat out not acceptable. It needs to change, and I hope my work here is making at least a small difference, but I've seen things that truly make my skin crawl. One night, walking home after a night out, I see a young woman being held up by 3 of her friends. Me and the friend with whom I was walking went to see what was going on. Turns out, she'd been beaten by her boyfriend. The left side of her face looked like and apple that's been left out in the sun for a few days and then dropped a few time. It was brutal. She could not walk, and her friends were struggling to support her (fortunately, my friend and I were there to help get her to the hospital). Another time, I was a judge for a debate contest. I won't get into the fact that it had no business being called a "debate" anything. The topic was gender based violence. Some of the speakers actually made it seem that they felt it was gender based violence when a woman spends all her husband's money, leaving him nothing to drink. They also seemed to imply it was excusable for him to get angry and hit her. There were also points about the gender equality thing being forced on men and making them feel threatened. It was hard to deal with, as someone who grew up in America, with parents who were pretty strong supporters of feminism, in a culture that is at least striving for gender equality. This has probably been the adjustment I've been most stubborn about not accommodating. It's also probably been the hardest to learn to live with.
5. Lack of luxuries- I've already mentioned the water thing and the foods. But, as someone who has grown up in, I think it's fair to say, a pretty comfortable environment, a lack of certain luxuries has taken some getting used to (I will say that this has been the easiest thing on this list to deal with, though probably the hardest at first). During the summers here, it's f***ing hot (sorry mom and dad, but I needed the emphasis). Not having A/C sucks. I make due with my fan, but that's not everywhere. Trying to stand over my stove cooking is brutal. Cold showers after work help. So does keeping a few cool beers around and bottles of water in the fridge. Still, it can suck. And the winter's lack of heating might be worse, since when I get out of the ice cold shower into the cold room, I feel like a "Jay-sicle." I have more access to internet than most, but still, it's nothing compared to the US. As most of you know, I'm trying to learn guitar, and most of the advice I've been given has been "go on Youtube and..." A 5 minute Youtube video can take an hour+ to load, and that's if the internet doesn't disconnect (if it does, I have to start over). Electricity goes out constantly, especially when it rains or gets hot (or when the ministry forgets to pay the electricity). With the heat, during the summer, without my fan, it is impossible to sleep with all the heat. I also can't cook, since my stove is electric. Doing laundry by hand is relaxing. Put on some good tunes and just do it. But it can really be annoying and exhausting after a while. Every once and a while, it would be nice to have a laundry machine. Not having a microwave or TV is annoying also, especially during the World Cup or NFL season.
6. Time zones- One of the challenges that has left me feeling isolated is the time zones, which make it tough to communicate. It's not easy to find time when both I and the friends and family back home I want to talk to are both available to Skype. Trying to find time to talk to my mom to help talking about her packing for her visit to me, between my work schedule and hers, has been very difficult. To make matters worse, Namibia changes it's clocks on different days than the US, and when we change our clocks back, the US goes forward. It's also been brutal during with the World Cup, with the US's first 2 matches both starting at 11pm. Super Bowl started after midnight (granted, it wasn't worth watching, I hear). I was up until like 9am when Tulane played in the New Orleans Bowl.
7. Isolation- I mentioned in the intro that hands down, the hardest part has been leaving behind my family and friends. I really don't have my support system. As those of you who have been reading from the beginning know, my grandpa passed away early in my service. It's been a year now, and the truth is it hasn't fully sunk in as a reality. I wouldn't have seen him, since he doesn't know how to use a computer and can't travel and phone calls are expensive. A lot has happened back home with friends and family, and I feel completely disconnected, almost as if I'm existing outside of their reality, and it's been pretty tough at times. People here have been supportive, and I have great friends here. But it's still really hard to feel so separate from those I care about.

I could keep going all day. There have been plenty of things that have been difficult. But those are the biggest for me. So, for those of you who keep asking me about what have been the challenges, there's your answer. My family is coming soon. Really looking forward to seeing them, and getting to watch a match or 2 of this World Cup with them. If I have time, I would love to write a post about what the World Cup experience has been like here, but we'll see, since I've been quite busy getting ready for a month of travel with my family. Until next time, enjoy.