As I look back on the first half+ of my service that has gone by, that quote by Jack Kerouac, has stuck with me. It struck me when I came across it early in my service, while I was reading On the Road, and I'm impressed by how much it holds true today, possibly more so than it did when I first read it. That's not to say I haven't missed anyone back home, especially in the wake of my family's recent village. And for sure, I've benefited by my having internet access at site, a luxury may PCVs do not enjoy. Still, getting away certainly did feel good. Ever since getting on the plane, I've felt a sense of optimism. A chance to help people. A chance to make a difference. Of course, that optimism, while still present, has transformed a bit. Looking back on the past year, there are a few thoughts I feel like I should share.
I've said it several times, but one thing a PCV learns quickly is that they can't save the world. They can't save their country. They can't even save their community. You go through training, come up with all these great ideas, and bounce them off other trainees who are similarly optimistic. Then you get to site, and try and make those ideas a reality. You figure, even if you can't save the world, you can at least fix the main problem your program focuses on. As a CHHAP volunteer, you spend months in training learning about HIV, it's root causes, and ways to deal with them. It seems so simple. Do this, and the problem goes away. Right? WRONG!!! Because the thing they mention that a lot of volunteers note but forget, is that these problems are largely ingrained in tradition. The solutions, not so much. I was given a formula by Peter Jensen, and RPCV who Peace Corps contracts to teach about permagardening.
SDA+IMVR=AC->RA->BCGreat, Jay, you've broken it down to a formula. But, unlike you, I have no clue what those letters mean. SDA means "Small Doable Actions," little things a person can do. Things like wearing a condom or cutting down on drinking. IMVR stands for "Immediate Measurable Visible Results." Things like when I wear a condom, I don't get HIV or end up pregnant, or when I cut back on drinking, I don't get drunk, I save money, and I don't make as many poor choices. Of course, the "visible" part is hardest to do, but most important. If people can't see the difference, how do they know they're not wasting their time. Sure, I can explain how condoms work, but "immediate" is tough, because to show condoms are effective, I need numbers to show a trend over time. Kind of a catch-22. In the end, the IMVR is probably the biggest challenge we face. Of course, if those small doable acts can produce immediate measurable results people can see, it can lead to AC, or attitude change. A person sees benefits of wearing a condom, and become more receptive to them. A person sees the perks of cutting back on their drinking, and find responsible drinking more appealing. This is where I take issue with the formula, for two reasons. First of all, I don't think attitude change leads to RA, repeated actions. I also think the equation is missing an element, but we will get to that soon. Up to now, this equation works on an individual level, but we're not simply trying to help one person. Overall, we're trying to change a society, a culture, so that this can all be sustainable societal change (which I will call SSC). The last part of the equation I posted is BC, or behavioral change. The equation, as I view it, would be better put as
SDA+IMVR=AC, AC+RA=BCThen, for sustainability, we add one more elements: convincing others, or CO. The final formula, in my opinion, looks like SDA+IMVR=AC, AC+RA=BC, BC+CO=SSC. The element I've left out, as I've learned, is time. Change takes time, and 2 years is not enough to create societal change. As a volunteer, I can only effect as far as AC, maybe BC if I'm lucky. The key is to change the attitudes of a few people, and hope they the help spread those changes. You can't save everyone, but you can set one or two people on the correct path, at least.
A bit long-winded, I realize, but I felt that has been one of the more important lessons I've learned. I'm one man. I can only do so much, but I can make the most of my opportunities with the time I have, my education, my experiences, my privileged as a white American male, etc.
Another thing I've learned is that "sustainable" doesn't always mean the same thing in all situations. The training staff harps on that word over and over during training. It's plastered all over PC promotional materials. It's THE buzzword in development. But what does it mean? A lot of volunteers, myself included, get to site assuming it means their projects will live on after they leave. For education volunteers, maybe it's leaving behind various teaching manuals and resources. For my computer classes, it's meant training a new teacher and helping create the exams and practice exercises and curriculum. For Grace, with her fitness club, it meant getting the gym built and the club established, and finding a person to simply pass it off to (in this case me) and leaving some of her other materials ready so any loose ends on projects could be taken up by Taylor, the PCV who replaced her. But some projects are not quite that simple in terms of sustainability. I'm teaching English classes at the traditional authority. Sure, I could pass it off to Taylor when I leave, but she doesn't seem particularly interested in that project. We may be getting a teaching volunteer soon, but that doesn't mean he or she would be able to continue with it, depending on his or her schedule. However, over the past year, I've helped teach some basics of conversational English, and I can see a difference when they greet me in town and we converse. I've also taught them some reading, which will allow them to continue expanding their comfort with the language on their own. So, while the classes my die, I've still created some sustainability by helping them to help themselves. With condoms and HIV, I teach the learners of the fitness club. They, in turn, pass on what they learned when they are in their life skills classes or when friends see them maybe not having that 4th drink or insisting on using condoms. Seeing me reading every day has gotten my host family's kids more interested in reading, as well. They've also started wearing hats and sunglasses because they want to be more like me. Even if there were nobody to pick up my computer classes when I leave, there are still the learners I trained, who can use these skills to find jobs and possibly help show a friend or family member, and might even be encouraged to buy a computer, which their children will grow up using. And so on. The projects themselves may not live on, but their legacies and impacts may be able to live on.
Moving away from my work and into my general life, it's the little things that matter. Playing with my host family, finding time to read, a Skype session with a friend back home, watching soccer with friends here, kicking a soccer ball around with co-workers, the smiles on the faces of my health club when they finally are able to make my American football spiral, learning a new song on my guitar, an SMS from just the right person, people waving at me in town, children who were once afraid of the white man now asking me to play with them (looking at you, little Patience), cooking red beans and rice on a Monday to feel like I'm back in New Orleans, or even sitting outside as the sun sets while sipping on a beer. Despite the quote to start this post, the life of a PCV is not easy. The work can be frustrating. The low pay can suck. You miss your friends and family back home. You see pictures of weddings and kids being born and can feel like everyone else is just passing you by. A lot of people can get burned out. A friend of mine's solution was traveling every chance she got. As a result, she never really felt like she was fully accepted by her community. Other people find dating helps. Until they break up. Relying on big things have their costs. The only way to really survive, I've found, has been to enjoy the simple pleasures. I you can find things to make you happy every day (or most days, at least), it makes it a lot easier to get through the day. After all, "life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously."
One thing many (if not all) PCVs have in common is the time we have alone. You learn a lot about yourself and how you handle them. While I've always planned on law school when I get back, I've been finding my work here has sparked a major interest in the work I've been doing in public health, and am now considering possibly doing a joint degree and get a masters in public health. Beyond re-evaluating my educational goals, A number of volunteers I know use this time to consider what their next step will be, and while that may not have been my intention, it's certainly happened.
One big challenge I mentioned several times, especially early on, has been the cultural difference. I've learned a lot about the culture of my community, and Namibia as a whole. I've learned a lot about religion here, as well. Despite being the same religion, Christianity in Namibia plays a very different role than it does in America often. While many religious groups in the US oppose condoms in schools and the teaching of sex ed, here, a lot of the people I've worked with teach about condoms and family planning and sex ed with their children because they believe that it's what Jesus wants them to do in order to help fight the HIV and other health problems plaguing them. I've experienced engagements and weddings and funerals, and seen how traditional practices and Christian ones have combined. I've also gotten to share my own culture. For Hanukkah, I used my iPad to teach my host family about the candles and introduced them to latkes. I confused my colleagues when I didn't eat any bread during Passover. When my grandpa passed away, I got to teach them about how my culture handles death. During Mardi Gras, I showed them pictures from New Orleans, made some foods (red beans and rice, jambalaya, and king cake, though cats stole the fish we were going to use for po'boys), and introduced them to New Orleans music. They showed me how they enjoy watching soccer, and during the World Cup, I got to show them what American fans were like (and enjoyed being public enemy number one every time I wore my USA jersey during the group stage, especially after we beat Ghana). I've shown them American football, taught them to throw the ball and play the game (though it generally devolves into rugby after a couple plays). I've even introduced them to tailgating. Using the show Treme, I've given them a glimpse into the city where I went to school. With elections coming up in both the US and Namibia, we've been able to talk about the similarities and differences in the political systems. They've shared their culture with me and I've shared mine. I've been put on the spot many times regarding things in the US, whether it be our foreign policy in Iraq, our support for Israel, the killing of a black man by a police officer in the US, same sex marriage (including an interesting situation when a friend here saw my MD4ME sticker on my lap top, and asked me about it, and then, after my explanation, looked back at the TV she was watching, which was showing that Kardashians show, and remarked "you have high divorce and people like these celebrities getting married for show and breaking up all the time, and yet you think the gays are ruining your marriage?"), or any number of hot button topics, and while I generally try and avoid the politics of those situations, I do try and use them as a chance to talk about the general issues in the US, and how different people view different things. Culture may have caused a shock, but it's also opened many doors and opportunities for conversations. And I'm guessing that'll be true wherever you serve, wherever life takes me, and whenever people from such different backgrounds meet.
A few future PCVs have come across this blog and asked me a few questions, and certain ones seem to keep coming up every time. I did a bit to prepare. I read up on HIV. I studied the history of Namibia, even tried to learn a couple phrases of Afrikaans (at this, I wasn't particularly successful, though I admittedly only put in a minimal effort at this one). For those of you out there, if you want to prepare, don't do so by trying to learn a language. In Namibia, there are so many regional languages, and while Afrikaans may be spoken in more parts of the country than others, in many communities, it's of little to no help. It's also a lot harder on your own than using the jumping off points Peace Corps provides during training and then being dumped into a community where you actually have to use it. Or, in my case, you learn that while knowing Damara might help a bit, most of my work is done in English and most of the people I come in contact with would prefer to use English, since they speak English better than I speak Damara (and then get mad when they drunkenly put me on the spot during a night out, and I can only use a few key phrases). I realize in countries like South/Central America, there tends to be only one local language, so this may not apply. However, I've found the most useful preparation for me was studying a bit of history and culture of Namibia and the reading I did on my area of focus, HIV. That would be what I recommend to volunteers in general. Learn what you can about your country and your project, and don't worry too much about the language. Something else people have asked me is what my life is like. Honestly, while there are some things I do regularly, my schedule is generally very fluid. It's also very different from the life of a teaching volunteer. If you know what sector you'll be serving in, I recommend you look into volunteers from that sector (check the resources in my Links tab). Talk to as many RPCVs as you can also since many of them have experiences that sound familiar not matter where they served. Also, learn about soccer. It's the world's most popular sport, and even if there is a language barrier, it can open doors and help you integrate just by going to a local bar, getting something to drink, and enjoying the match with your community. I know it made my life much easier early on, and I know several volunteers who will say the same thing. And never forget what Hunter S. Thompson one wrote: "When the going gets weird, the weird turn professional". Embrace your quirks. You never know when they'll spark a project, a friendship, or simply get you through the day, but it takes a certain mindset to choose to give up two years and join the Peace Corps, and the most successful volunteers have embraced this different outlook.
Sorry it's taken so long to update this. Between my family's visit (sorry, no post about that so just enjoy the pictures) and writer's block, it's been tough to put anything down here (I've started and deleted several different posts before finally writing this one). Looking back, it's been both a challenging and liberating first year, one of learning ad re-evaluating. It's been long and has gone by quickly. I miss family and friends and have no regrets leaving you all behind (no offense). Life sometimes feels like it's been passing me by back home, but really, that's just because I often forget to notice how much of my life I've been experiencing, especially when all you see of other people's lives is the snapshots of their big moments. I've learned a lot about a new culture and gotten to share my own. I'm looking forward to the next few months, as I transition from the work I did in my first year to someone getting ready to return to the US for the next stage of my life. I have applications to fill out for law schools, jobs to look into, and possibly a little traveling and celebrating to plan for when I COS, as well as putting things in place to help my legacy live on. No PCV can save the world. But in the less than a year I have left, I would like to make as big a difference as I can. "What's in store for me in the direction I [didn't] take?" One thing I can say for sure, no matter what the next few months bring, I'm glad I got on that plane.
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