New Year, New Jay?

My first post of 2015. So, I guess I should talk about how the year ended/began. I'll start with Christmas.

A couple days before Christmas, I decided to go to Outjo, the next town over, for the day, to hang out with a couple volunteers, collaborate on some project ideas, and braai a bit. Since it was Hanukkah, I also used the kitchen to make latkes (which neither Crystal nor Johanna could successfully pronounce). We also decorated trees. The next morning when I got back to Khorixas, I got some candy (I already had a couple bags). On Christmas morning, I took the candy, put it into some stockings Grace had left me, put on the Santa hat she had given me, my red PC polo, filled my CamelBak, grabbed the camera, and went off around town, handing out candy to children. About an hour in, the Santa hat was no more, a colleague's infant having stolen it (for some reason, I felt a Santa hat was not worth fighting with a child over). Took some photos, got some hugs, brought a little cheer to those who actually had to work on the day (police, hospital staff, filling station employees, security guards), enjoyed some free meat from people who liked what I was doing (including some excellent donkey from my office's security guards). After over 3 hours, I swung by the gas station to grab a Russian and chips and a cool drink before heading home to enjoy it, take a short nap, and Skype my family (we may not celebrate Christmas, but my aunt and uncle were visiting, and my parents were off from work, so we could do so at an hour that didn't involve me staying up late, since those old farts certainly ain't gonna do that on their end).

My favorite story from that day was a group of kids. I give them their candy, and they as me to take their photo, which I do. I then walk over to the Traditional Authority office and take advantage of their overhang to get a little shade and a short rest. While I was sitting there, the same kids came up to me, saying they hadn't gotten their candy. First of all, half of them had candy still in their mouths. More importantly, I had pictures, which they'd asked me to take, which showed they did. I wasn't necessarily being stingy, but there are a lot of children, and I was starting to run low, so I had to stick to one piece per child. After a few laughs, and the kids showing off some new toys they'd gotten (not everyone gets Christmas presents here, but a lot get small things), they ran off. Overall, it was a rewarding and fun day. I will say, the children were far more gracious than the adults. The kids would say thankful. Adults would actual get angry and act entitled when I said "no, this candy is only for the kids," and if I would relent (such as when one guy claimed "I'm still a kid on the inside"), they rarely said "thank you" or anything, something almost all the kids did. Not that I actually need people to be gracious; just an observation.

Over the next couple of days, I had to do a little work. Had a small braai with Den and Taylor. Did some work on my applications. Then came New Years.

On New Years Eve, shortly after lunch, Taylor and I met up in town. After a couple short stops, we hitched a ride with Chief Okango, a friend of mine at Traditional Authority, out to the rest camp. There, we paid our N$50 so we could enjoy the pool for the rest of the day. Swimming, lying in the sun, reading, etc. Got ourselves a nice dinner of hake with calamari and schnitzel, which we split (they were low on food choices, but they had the two items we wanted, so it was all good). Met a family from Natal, in South Africa, who were on vacation and considering emigrating to Namibia. Talked about technology, and how Namibia kind of skipped a few steps (such as going from no phone to cell phones, skipping landlines, or going from no computers to modern laptops and USB drives, never experiencing floppy disks or those massive computers which filled a room), about education, about travel, about how TV depicts things, etc. As the sun began to set, Taylor and I set off to town. Rather than trying to hitch a ride, we simply walked. After dropping her at her place, I went to town, got a small bottle of whiskey, and took a walk out into the bush to drink, ring in the New Year in a peaceful place, and watch the firework.

The next day, inspired a bit by Kerouac (I had started "The Dharma Bums" that morning), I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, some water, my camera, and my book, and went for a hike in the bush just outside my town. I would walk for a bit, find a nice shady spot, pause and read a few pages, take a few sips, then move on. Took a random sequence of paths. Ended up at a reservoir outside of town. Decided not to try swimming when I saw a bird land on it, and the water splashing up looked lime green. Watched some turtles falling off a tire for a bit. Saw some horses and cow and watched them. Stared at the clouds. Eventually, I moved on. Somehow, I ended up at the cemetery (I had been there before, but I'd never taken that path). It seemed oddly fitting, hauntingly beautiful, to end up in a cemetery on New Years Day. The juxtaposition of the finality of death and the optimism of new beginnings may be cliche, but as my service reaches it's termination point, it seemed right.

Since then, I spent a day with Taylor in Otjiwarango (she wanted a shopping spree, I just wanted an something to do) and a night with a couple friends in Okahandja. There has been more, but I've been asked not to talk about it, so I simply direct you to the PC website (they have some section about PC news). Spent a day at the hospital with Taylor getting things ready for projects (like our health club) to resume. Work has started up again, and I'm trying to get the replacement equipment I need for my computer lab so I can run that class one last time before leaving (give the woman I'm training a full run with the "training wheels" on).

So, what are my New Years Resolutions? How do I plan to better myself in the coming year? How will I become a "new" Jay in 2015? I've come up with some in the past, but it's always seemed a bit silly when I think about the idea. Real, lasting change tends to be gradual. To make that switch overnight seems arbitrary to me, and the vague "I want to lose weight" and whatnots just seem like something not worth waiting for New Years to begin. I will say I have made the decision after my New Years Day experience to go on more of these hikes. The peace of it, the solitude, it felt right, and as I work my way through "Dharma Bums," I find myself relating to Japhy Ryder quite a bit. Another thing I've decided is to keep a journal this year. Somewhat inspired by another book I read recently, "The Heroin Diaries," but mainly just to force me to put words on paper, to think, to write, and maybe get an idea of what changes about my in the coming months. After all, while it may not have been intentional change, I've definitely changed a bit since I came to Namibia, and now, as I prepare to go back to the US, hopefully to law school, I'm sure I will change more. It's not something I do everyday. It's just that I keep a notebook on me, and when I have something to write, I do. I just want this year to be the year when I am truly happy, where I let go of the anger, if I can. I want to try and find that inner peace, even if I don't really believe I will, since who knows what else I'll find during the search. Am I really a new Jay? No. I'm the same old me. Just a me who is almost two years older than when I left, who's had almost two years of experiences since I left. I don't see New Years as a reason to change, just a nice postmark to reflect on said changes.

Okay, enough pretending to be "deep." That's a whole bunch of cliches, I'm sure, and I'm guessing you stopped halfway through that paragraph. That's fine. Anyway, have a happy New Year. Now, time to get back to the grind.