Back in America

  I've been back a while now. Almost 3 months. A couple weeks ago, the woman who replaced me at site contacted me. We chatted a bit, her asking for advice, me giving some and sharing some of my experiences. Then, she asked me what being back was like. I've already posted about my initial reactions to being back, but some recent things have gotten to me.

  The other day was my birthday. After drinks with my parents and grandparents, I went for a quick bite with my brother, and was joined by a good friend of mine who lived nearby. It was late, and she was tired, so we made plans to meet for lunch the next day to really catch up. I got to Farragut North a tad early and was blown away by all the activity at Federal Square, with the tents and corn hole and everything. She was running late, stuck at work, so I decided to grab a coffee. There were roughly 10 places in site, and that doubled if I expanded a block in either direction. I told her I was at the Starbucks and she had to ask me which one. Then, we had to pick a place. It was honestly overwhelming. Yes, Windhoek does have restaurants, but I always left the choosing up to friends. This time, I had to make a choice. This is downtown DC. Hundreds of restaurants within a 5 minute walk of us. Even narrowing by price and food type didn't help. We ended up deciding to turn a corner and choose the first thing that we noticed.

  We did actually pick a place, and enjoyed it. We spent some time catching up. One thing she mentioned was how a lot of people end up not doing Peace Corps because they feel they'll miss out on a lot (I know she was speaking from experience, to an extent). Which is true. One of my best friends got married, and I wasn't there. Another got fired, and I couldn't be supportive. People moved, had kids, got promoted, passed the bar, became doctors, etc. It wasn't easy. RPCVs kept telling me I'd come back and people would be doing the same thing, be the same people. It's a load of crap. I did miss out on over 2 years of my friends' lives. Or, rather, they continued having lives while I was living mine. And some of these changes are weird. New last names (or even first names, in a couple cases), meeting their kids for the first time. Trying to settle back in isn't easy. Don't let anyone tell you it will be.

  I've hinted at it, but choice has been a general theme of my challenges. Not just restaurants. Do I drive there and pay for parking? Do I wake up a little earlier and take Metro? Is Metro running? What size coffee do I want? Hot or iced? Which blend? Which road do I take? There's actually more than one way to get there? Which cell phone do I buy? (I got the iPhone 6, by the way). Do I go to the gym or get on the bike? 20 stores selling similar shirts, which do I buy from? Which movie theater do I go to and which movie do I want to see (and which snacks, which has gotten ridiculous, for the record)? Do I do see it regular? IMAX? 3D? IMAX 3D? Which brand of the same yogurt for the same price do I buy? Which loaf of whole wheat bread? Which brand of granola bars? All these choices, all over the place, holy crap.

  Of course, not everything has been a struggle. Reliable transportation is nice (sorry, but unless you've tried hitchhiking around southern Africa, I don't want to hear you whining about the red line running late). If I want to watch a soccer game or a baseball game, I can. I can even go to a place with more than 3 beers to choose from while I watch it. And that place may let me watch both the soccer match and baseball game at the same time. And has specials/discounts.  I can walk down the street without everyone expecting me to talk to them or give them money (and even the people begging don't tell me I owe them). Internet is everywhere. Power goes out? It comes back on, and while it's off my phone still works. Oh, and we have hummus. And it is quite yummus.

  One challenge I expected and worried about is returning to the classroom. I am going back to school for the first time in 3 years. To help with the transition, I took a law school preview class. 8 days, sampling different aspects of 1L year. Contracts, property, civil procedure, torts, criminal law, how to brief a case, how to use LexisNexis, etc. It was long and dull and dry, but it definitely seems to have helped. It didn't quite help with what I really need (back to American English from Namlish), but still.

  The last thing I'm going to talk about is how people view it. I feel compelled to do this because I saw this article today. This article reflects a lot of the misconceptions about Peace Corps I've experienced (and even held). I'll start with non-RPCVs. These follow a few trends. No, I'm not going to go into a full response to this post. I disagree with the author, but that's because I came into Peace Corps with a different background, for different reasons, and had different experiences in my service, and I respect the fact that those differences are why I disagree, and maybe had I shared her experiences, I'd be saying similar things (though I will say now I feel no guilt over being born into a certain degree of privilege, since I feel I've used that to help others, and believe in the Jewish value my dad often quotes about not giving so much charity that you yourself become a charity case).

  The first is "oh, wow, that's amazing. You must've had some incredible experiences and did the Lord's work and are helping save the world." Yeah, I had some incredible experiences. No, I did not save the world. I never tried to. No person can. I do think I made a difference, but so do millions of Americans who go to work. I'm no better than your kid's 3rd grade teacher.

  The second reaction is "I really wish I'd done that. I'm so jealous. That's so cool. You're a better person than I am."That third one isn't always stated, though it sometimes is, but it tends to be an underlying theme in the tone and questions of these people. I may or may not be a better person than they are, but it certainly has nothing to do with my doing the Peace Corps. I'm lucky. I'm 26 and I can say I've been able to live my dream job. It was right for me. It's not for everyone. And that's not a bad thing. My dad goes to SOME every month and serves breakfast. One of my best friends is working for an organization helping to bring education to people around the world, and I praise the hell out of her. I know people working with Special Olympics, and fighting to end the use of the R-word. I have friends in the military. An alum from my future school played a big part in bringing marriage equality to all 50 states. I have friends who are teachers, all over the world and in the US. Or doctors. If you wish you'd done Peace Corps and are jealous of me, that's one thing. Of course, it's never too late to do it. But I'm not better than you. I simply have different interests, different life and career goals. Nothing wrong with wanting to get started on finding that spouse and starting a family, or rising the career ladder. Nothing wrong with actually having money. My experiences were right for me, the right choice for me. Emphasis on "FOR ME."

  The third reaction is "wait, that still exists?" Yes. Leo even mentioned it in Blood Diamond. Of course, unlike Jack and Rachel, I didn't simply decide one day to do it. But yes, it still exists. In fact, it's expanded quite a bit in what it does, who it serves, and what sectors it works in. And, going back to you folks who wish you'd done it, there are the Response positions, which let you serve for a shorter window.

  There are a number of other responses, but most fall into one of those categories once you boil them down. There are two more which really annoy me. They go hand-in-hand, the second largely a response to the first. "Why did you do that?" Okay, I've given that answer enough times, so I'm not going to do that again right now. Feel free to read back to my earliest posts for that answer. However, I will say one factor was my desire to help people understand what Americans are like. That's actually one of PC's three goals. Yes, I know that seems arrogant. However, ignorance is a problem all over the world One reason there are issues between countries stems from people just not actually knowing each other. Many people in Khorixas had never met an American who wasn't a PCV. Some had never met an American male. I would say I ended up not being what most people expected (especially since I love soccer). The question itself doesn't bother me, especially when it's grounded in curiosity. It's when it's said in that negative, judgmental, "da hell did you do that for?" kind of way.

  The one that really bothers me is the common response I get to it: "If you wanted to serve your country, why didn't you join the military?" Because I felt I could do more, both for the world and for America, by doing this. Soldiers aren't the only people who serve their country, and we need to get out of that mindset.

  Oh, and there's the responses like my brother's. "Oh, shut up already!"

  Okay, so that's how non-RPCVs respond (there's also the "did you know so-and-so? Namibia? Where is that? My friend/brother/neighbor did/is interested in PC. etc., but I'm not in the mood to get into those, because I get them about Tulane too). How about the people who have, at least in theory, been in my shoes before responded?

  Well, there is the outlier of my mom's friend Lisa, who introduces me to everyone as an RPCV, almost bragging about it more than my mom does. Admittedly, DC has a great RPCV population and an active RPCV group, and I've enjoyed the few events I've attended as an RPCV, including visiting JFK's grave and the bbq in the rain. Great for networking, and I know going in I have a topic of conversation to break the ice. And, in case you missed it, I do take pride in my PC service.

  So, what are the other RPCV responses? Most of them are like my mom's. Long winded "when I was in Peace Corps in ..." (said in the Dan Rooney voice, of course) story. Okay, I'm just as guilty of that. This is more statement of fact than complaint (though it drives my brother and father crazy). Others are shocked by how much has changed and how much hasn't. Of course, there's comparison of the beers in our countries, and I've gotten a few free drinks out of it (from RPCVs and non-RPCVs, and even used it when talking to women at bars). We talk about how much PC has changed, the countries have changed. I'm often asked if I want to go back. Of course I do. I miss my community, my friends, and the simpler life.

  Okay, this post has been an exercise in self-indulgence. Granted, a personal blog is, by its very nature, self-indulgent. Sorry if I came off as a whiner or arrogant. Not my intention. I merely mean to share my experiences because I've been asked what my return has been like. These are my experiences, and certainly don't reflect everyone's experiences. The point is merely to share my transition between PCV into law student and back into American culture and the American lifestyle. I hope this answered those questions. I got a bit to do before law school, including visiting some good friends out in Cali. Hope all is going well for you too.